GOING THROUGH A BREAKUP AND WHAT I LEARNED IN THE PROCESS

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(Edited)

I recently went through a breakup and as much I want to say that it didn’t hurt, it did and I have spent a lot of time reminiscing about what I did wrong.

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You see, this is what people never talk about, the feeling that you were at fault and that you could have done something better which in this case I couldn’t have.

Before this relationship, I hadn’t been in any in my adult life, and the two previous things I would call a relationship were in my teenage years and I barely knew myself at that time so I don’t think it counted.

Going into this relationship was very unexpected, we had been friends for years but we lost contact, and for some reason, we met up again, started talking and one thing led to another.

I wouldn’t say it was the worse experience because he is a fantastic being that anyone would be lucky to have but people do come with their problems and while communication was very important to me, he struggled with it so much, and it was a big deal-breaker.

I spent months trying to work on it with him but it didn’t seem to work and while people might say that the right person would change for you, he tried but always seemed to revert especially when he was facing problems.

From what I know, he has never been good at communicating even as friends so I don’t know why I thought it would change.

The communication issues brought a lot of strife and I finally decided to end it but ending it didn’t give me an upper hand because it still hurt like hell.

Going through a breakup is one of the hardest things I have been through because as usual, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I know that I love too deeply so this affected me more than it would have affected most people.

Eventually, I know that I would be fine, I still believe in love and I know that I would find something better in due time.

We also decided to continue being friends because we wouldn’t throw years of friendship away and maybe one day in a better time, we might try again.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM GOING THROUGH A BREAKUP

I would say that everything is a learning process and this isn’t different, so I did learn a few things from my relationship and also this breakup so I would be stating them below.

  1. Relationships are hard and it takes a lot of effort to keep one; I always knew this but I guess I was blind-sighted by how easy it was initially and I kind of wanted a honeymoon all through.
  2. There are always compromises to be made; right now I am pretty much second-guessing ending the relationship because after speaking to a lot of people, they made valid points about how there is always a need for compromise in a relationship, and maybe I could have compromised somewhere.
  3. It’s okay not to be okay; I promised myself that after ending it, I wouldn’t be emotional or let myself go through being hurt but it’s been hard and some days I want to curl in a ball and cry.
  4. Love isn’t enough; well, this is self-explanatory, love isn’t enough to keep a relationship and there are so many other essential factors to make a relationship work.
  5. It’s okay to miss the other person; my case is a bit complicated because we are still friends but if you aren’t with the person you dated, it is okay to miss them and reminisce on the time you had.
  6. Healing takes time; just because you ended a relationship doesn’t mean that it all goes away, it takes time.

IN THE END,

Even with this breakup, it doesn’t quite feel like it has come to an end, maybe it’s because of the bridge of friendship or because we gave ourselves the possibility of coming back but regardless even though this is the end, I feel like it taught me a lot about myself and who I am in a relationship which I find very important.

Whatever happens next I am ready for it and I know that I would always come out stronger.


THANK YOU FOR OPENING THIS BOX OF PASSION



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45 comments
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I like how you ended it after all you said, that's what's important. You've learnt a lot and know more about yourself, you're still growing and it can only get better.

Sorry about the breakup pains that it may cause you, but I want to believe you'll be strong enough to overcome this and still be friends with him.

We never know what the future holds for us, just try to stay happy and prayerful... God is always with whoever call on Him.

You are loved dear ❤️

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Relationships really take a lot to build. If you felt it was a lot more than you could handle then this break up was a wise decision. You can now focus on building yourself as much as you can. It's ok to feel emotional, you'll get over it, you'll be stronger...

It's great to see it didn't end up badly and you both still remain friends..things could change later on..it's just a matter of time.

Take good care of yourself my dear


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I try not to end anything badly because the future is unknown, thank you so much for your kind words.

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Na wah o. There was one I ended too like that long ago, it wasn't because of love, it was family interference and all. Girl blamed me till today

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Relationships are so tiring, one thing or the other always.

Got me thinking if the best thing is to find someone and just take what they bring and survive.

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I can relate to this so much. I remembered the last time I went through a break up.. To be sincere, it took me months to heal. I kept thinking about her and hoping she would be mine once again. Anytime I see her, I will feel a sharp object cutting through my heart... It was really tough.

Communication is very important for any relationship to blossom and lack if it kills a relationship. Someone who doesn't do well in communicating as a friend will definitely find it difficult communicating as a lover.

You just have to pick yourself up and move on.... The right person will surely come your way.

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At the end of the day, it's just to say "we move" and move on 😆

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Exactly... No time to waste time...

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If you waste time or you don't, it is still the same outcome.

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Now you are getting it.. So why waste time if its the same outcome... Just move on with your life and forget about the past. The past will only bring u pains

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Exactly.

Focus on finding my premier league footballer.

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😂 😂 😂

Your premier league footballer??.. Please explain.. It seems am lost here

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Oh my dream man is a footballer who plays for the premier league, if you find one, let me know.

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Oh my, is it Mr. Dubai?
I'm sorry love. I understand how you totally feel. But hey, you came out with twice more understanding of how such things work

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😆 Mr. Dubai, what in the nickname.

Yeah, I came out smarter which is a good thing.

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'People come with their problems', I couldn't agree more. I widely relate and second everything you share. Healing takes time and it can be really messy lol but you'd always come out wiser. I hope you'll be okay ❣️

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Healing does take time and I am trying to not make mine messy.

Thank you so much for reading and yes, I am okay.

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Reading this brought back memories I thought I had locked away and threw the keys into the deep ocean. Your story is quite similar to mine. Yes, he ain’t good at communication but that was where the compromise should come in but he was too relax to change his ways and the fact we stay in different cities made it unbearable for me. After months of complaining and wondering if he is cheating on me, my mental and emotional health was at stake so I had to break up. Was it easy? Nope, I cried my eyes out and I had to block his number. Few months later when I felt I had healed,I unblocked him and guess what , we are friends now. I got all the time I needed to heal. Let me say this… if you go into a relationship with the mindset that it might not lead to happy ever after, it help minimize the pain (it works for me though).

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I understand what you mean, one reason I ended it was the constant questioning if he loved me and if he didn't care which isn't a good thing at all but yeah, every relationship needs compromise because we shouldn't expect perfection from anyone.

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I am sorry about everything dear. I know how much I value conversations in my relationship. I know I am one secretive human, and finding someone who makes me get out of my shell and blab, makes my heart skip a bit, especially, if this human reciprocates by blabbing too.

I am happy you learned a lot from everything. And that somewhere there is hope for both of you. This doesn't mean you shouldn't allow yourself to test the water of love and relationship when it presents itself though. I think you should live in the moment, and devour every joy, pleasure, and feeling that it brings.

Cheers to how you pull this off. You are a strong human.

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I am also very secretive but I still value communicating, I guess not everyone is like that.

Yeah, I learned a lot and it's harder as the days go by but I would be fine.

Thank you so much.

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We all grow with every relationship we go through. I hope that you will continue believing in love even with this breakup.

Some people just never do ever again.

Stay strong sis.

I found you through @dreemport

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I am trying to keep believing in it, I know love is pure and just because a relationship doesn't work out doesn't mean it still isn't pure.

Thank you so much for reading.

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I am so sorry, my crush. I think his going just made room for me... Now I can come all out for you... I know your address already. Hahaha.

Jokes apart, I don't think you should negotiate communication and you don't have to compromise on this. I know you felt you should have compromised for him but trust me on this, if he couldn't communicate with you on issues he is facing, when there are bigger issues to come in marriage - (which will come and it's only a matter of when, not if) it would be worse and you won't like yourself for it.

He will find someone like him and since that's not who you are as you are big on communication, please find someone like that too. There are other areas to compromise but definitely not communication because that's a big deal and there would be many more issues to come.

It's a red flag and I am happy to opted out even though it's hard. Try and heal first...it's important to. I will allow you heal before I come and visit you 😂😂😂🤣😂.

Please, be strong.

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I needed this, to be honest, been questioning myself a lot since ending it and you really just helped me a lot.

Thank you.

I am working on healing and I know it wouldn't take long since I'm not at fault.

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You are not at fault... We accept the love we think we deserve and don't negotiate communication at all. It's like selling oneself short and then giving discount even on it. You will be fine dear... I've had my fair share too hahahaha. Stay strong please.

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The more immediate the people arrive in your heart and mind the more difficult it becomes to forget them,
Compromise can be made but sometimes they require compromising your self-esteem and respect, I guess it's difficult to manage them in the same way this all has been started.
But moving on is vital and I guess you are better courageous after that breakup pain.
Superb dear👍
@dreemport directed me here

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Yeah I would definitely be better after the pains.

Thank you so much.

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Indeed we are learning all the time, because life is the name of learnings. I am surprised that you were friends and at the age of 17 you got addicted of your fellow and the other sad thing is that you lost contact. It was really painful as far as I think and know the pain of love.

I found this awesome article from @dreemport

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Hello @khaleesii. Reading through your post reminded me of my younger self many years ago. Giving advice is extremely hard when only hearing one side of a situation. It takes two to make a relationship work, and it takes two to disintegrate it.

What I do know to be true is that if communication is not good now, don't expect it to change when bigger issues arise after marriage. I'm not saying 100% that it can't happen. But you're dealing with other person, not yourself. You can change yourself and fix you. And that's the only thing you can get a guarantee on.

You wouldn't have ended the relationship if, in your gut, you felt it was the right thing to do. No one knows what will happen in the future. If you two are right for each other, then you'll find your way back.

Otherwise, take time to heal.

Take care.

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I understand how important communication is hence I couldn't exactly compromise but I often wonder if it was the right thing to do.

Regardless I am working on healing and yes, if we are meant, eventually it will happen.

Thank you so much.

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