Having this dream/nightmare for years

Reoccuring nightmare

In this dream I had, I was a citizen of some sort where everyone was oppressed and forced to abide by unreasonable rules like they censor everything, everything you say bad about authorities will get you killed, and everyone can be exploited by people with power, there is this one guy which I knew very well his face is like that of a hideous monster every time I think about him, but every time I stare at it directly it turns black like also censored so that is when I realized that this is another nightmare, also from my past experience I cannot wake up until a certain trigger, whether I die, get eaten by something or burn alive in rare cases kill the monsters that's been chasing me.

in this dream/nightmare when I realized that this was one of those dream/nightmares therefore I tried to be brave and say what I want and damaged a car of a high-ranking person which I've seen doing an unreasonable thing to another person, he raped a woman in front of the woman's boyfriend/husband the man was crying in agony while the ordeal was happening and this woman was beaten black and blue and tied up to a pole with handcuffs.

everyone sees what was happening and act as normal but I felt very disgusted by the public immorality and oppression that is happening right in front of me, out of anger I felt I damaged what appears to be the oppressor's car and cussed at him and run with all that I can, this was the only thing I could do because I admit that I am a coward, because who wants to fight a monster with a hideous face who is 2x taller than me, even in my dreams I fear the pain because for some reason it feels real almost as if it is happening in real life to some degree.

surely enough he stopped at what he is doing and chased after me, I tried my best to lose him while running going into small and narrow passages around the city, where no one would help me I even tried yelling to the people for help none batted an eye, realized it was lost cause I made my way into an apartment building where everyone seemed very sad each door I looked the doors were glass see through so you can see someone crying their eyes out or doing something horrendous inside the apartment unit, sick of this setup I can only cry as a normal human for what I've been witnessing so far, it was full of sorrow and suffering.

made my way to the top floor the monster almost caught up to me I closed the door and jammed it with a broken refrigerator to keep him away, I sat at the edge of the apartment building thinking the only way to escape this place is to die, perhaps that was why everyone in the apartment was in that state or was doing what they did, but still afraid of the pain which it will cause the price of dying, I cannot bring myself to jump at the edge to fall to my death, but this loud banging of the door from the monster almost gives me a heart attack, I saw a helicopter pass by with a large sign hanging off my face printed saying wanted for disruption of law.

as time passed the monster busted the door opened and the shock pushed me off the edge falling to my death headfirst it was a pain that is to say extreme my head feels like hit a wall very hard and very sudden as I have come into contact to the ground, my eyes can see that my brain was splattered amongst the ground, strange I did not wake up, I still have this consciousness inside of this dream, time passed and I'm still in this dream the pain is fading away as I see my blood turn from red into a darker color flies pestering me all around and until I was picked up by a stranger and this stranger is talking word I cannot understand I was pretending to be as if I was the dead I was expected not moving but sometimes my eyes will move to my will as I am very curious about what will happen to my body that is already decaying, this stranger has a black/censored face so I cant really see all I see is his eye balls and where they look at for some reason I can still fear even after death and this terrified me a lot.

as I was laid upon some cold stone table or some sort I can see some other body parts from the side I was laid upon, it seems this stranger is fixing my body and replacing my body parts with someone else, I felt the pain of each needle stitching across my head and precisely where it came from a single tear came out of my eye which made me even more afraid that he might find out I still have consciousness, having endured all the operations he did to my body he left me alone with a drink and a meal, or was this his meal and drink.

having my brain replaced with a new one my head feels less painful or have I become numb, I can't tell either way without shackles to bind me or anything to disrupt my movements I tried to go to the small table and eat his meal, it was tasty then I realized I was supposed to stay dead, due to the fear of the unknown of what will happen if this stranger found out I looked for an exit but this room has no windows and the only way out is through the door which he came from and came out of, I took the chance to peek through the door but it was HELL of squeaky which almost give me a heart attack and made my whole body tremble as if I was very cold which I am currently as I assume because of my dead body, but strangely been stitched and able to move as if it was fixed.

oddly no one was around I breathe a sigh of relief, then I saw stitched bodies like myself that are lying on stone tables I was terrified assuming this stranger collects dead bodies and repairs them for unknown reasons I headed out to escape.

I found another door outside the door was a forest, and I'm hearing loud people screaming in agony but I can't find them wherever I look into, I had to run which I did in this strange place where I know nothing of until I saw a cafe which seems out of this place I went inside this cafe and headed straight to the restroom to wash my face and regain myself, odd no one was looking at me and carried on.

I washed my face and not noticed at first but when I looked at myself in the mirror I have many stitches around my head looking like a patched-up meat slab just to cover something I looked like a monster, confused about what happened I went up to the kitchen odd also no one seems to care, I went and grabbed a knife a large one that I may defend myself if someone tries to harm me.

then I heard a voice saying "have you seen a new guy here he is my brother, I think he may be lost because he is new here"

I took a peek out the window to see the stranger talking sure enough it was the stranger who repaired my dead body, I went again to the restroom and stabbed my heart with the knife I have in possession, slowly my consciousness fades into darkness and I woke up 12:13 am

thoughts on this nightmare

I am ashamed of my cowardice in always escaping and not confronting my fears head-on, I always seem to run from a monster and not face it.

I've wondered about having a dead body while still moving if I fought the monsters there in the first place and resisted the pain will the nightmare end sooner? or what will happen?

so many questions popped out of my head after having this nightmare.

I just felt that I have to share it, because after having this nightmare I've felt calmer while thinking about it through writing.