Siyan

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Siyan's eyes glided from her screen to the calendar on her table. Surprised at the date, she blinked severally as if to clear her eyes. The holiday was here again and she had been so consumed with work that she hardly noticed the bustling going on in the town.

Siyan had her head buried in a work for months. She was working on her third book and she needed all the inspiration she could get to write. At that point, Siyan was starting to wish that inspiration was some sort of glamorous store you could go to purchase how much you wanted.

Siyan had been feeling like something was missing in her life. She had lost her cheerfulness without knowing it. She now wanted to return to a feeling she knew. She wanted to return to herself.

The frustration was starting to creep in faster than Siyan could tell. Her workspace was a mess of spilled coffee, dusty computers, and dozens of crumpled pieces of paper littered around the bin. Siyan didn't care. She was more devastated about the fact that she seemed to have lost her enthusiasm and creative juices.

Siyan got up, made herself a cup of coffee, and sank into her couch. She had not been outside her home for days. She closed her eyes to savor the filling taste of her coffee. She could now hear the joyful bustling of the little neighborhood that she knew so well. The spirit of celebration wandered the street. Siyan listened in and heard the cheerful voices of the little children.

Her mind traveled back to when she was also a kid wandering the neighborhood and getting giddy about the holiday season. She recalled the day she always looked forward to as a kid. It was when all the children in the neighborhood would come together at the park just for fun. They'd share tasty treats, play games, and enjoy the rest of the day. It seemed ordinary but those were the best days and holiday memories of her life.

Siyan smiled at the memory of herself running around that park in a little pink dress. Closing her eyes she could almost feel the innocence and pure joy of the child she once was. The sun in her face, her feet on sad, the water bubbles she blew around, and that carefree spirit that adulthood had made her forget.

Whenever Siyan recalled her childhood, she always wished that she'd return to that innocence. Siyan laughed hysterically at her impossible wish. “I'd give anything to experience childhood again,” she whispered.

Siyan reminisced about a particular day at the park like it was yesterday. For some reason, she never seemed to get away from that memory even after two decades. She was digging up tiny holes in the sand and placing ribbons in them when she accidentally ran into a young woman. Looking up at this striking face with big brown hair, Siyan felt something move inside of her.

“Si…Siyan? What am I……What are you doing down there?" The woman looked dazed. Her eyes widened. She raised her brows and pouted her lips.

“My friends and I are making memory trails. Whenever we come back here, we will remember where we have been and how much fun we've had.” Looking up, Siyan squinted and blocked the sun's rays from her face. “Your hair is like mine. How do you know my name?” Siyan added in a sweet little voice.

“I-I’m..” the woman opened her mouth but she couldn't speak. Tears began falling freely from her eyes.

“Don't cry. Take this. It will make you happy.” Siyan got up and tied the pink ribbon to the woman’s wrist. Before she realized it, the woman was gone. Although Siyan couldn't make out the woman's face in her memories anymore, she often wondered if the woman was fulfilled and happy wherever she was.

Siyan let her hair down and decided to take a walk in the park that evening. While walking, Siyan passed many warm faces and gestures. Everyone but her seemed happy and fulfilled. She sat down on a bench to take in the cool evening air. She realized that she had been depriving herself of the joy the holiday brought. Seeing people immersing in the moment was almost an awakening for her.

The park had an air of something tingling that Siyan was breathing in. She couldn't place it but she loved the feeling. She could almost hear gentle whispers that soothed her entire being. The air was different and it felt magical. Her eyes skimmed the park and childhood memories came flooding her like a downpour. Siyan thought she saw something pink dancing in the mild wind. When she drew closer, she saw that it was a pink ribbon buried in the sand.

“This can't be. Could it be after all these years?” she asked no one in particular. Filled with curiosity, her eyes widened. Siyan grabbed the ribbon and tried to pull it out of the sand. The more she dragged, the more she felt as though something was pulling her in from the sand. The ground began to open before her eyes and before Siyan knew what was happening, the earth had swallowed her whole.

Siyan landed on the ground with her butt. She let out a whimper. Siyan's curiosity had not left her. She looked around her to find that she was still in the park. Only this time, it was noon, and looked like something she had seen before.

There were dozens of kids running around the park. Siyan just stood there gaping at their innocence and tranquility. It felt like the park and everything in it spun gently around her. The sounds around her were like distant echoes.

Soon, a little girl holding a pink ribbon with soiled hands bumped into her. Siyan was now present in the clear noise and people around her. The girl looked up and Siyan was shocked to see her six-year-old self.

“Si…Siyan? What am I-What are you? doing down there?" Siyan looked dazed. Her eyes widened. She had heard those exact lines in the past and she was more shocked that they were now coming from her own mouth.

“My friends and I are making memory trails. Whenever we come back here, we will remember where we have been and how much fun we've had.” Still looking up, the girl squinted and blocked the sun's rays from her face. “Your hair is like mine. How do you know my name?” she added.

Siyan could not utter another word no matter how much she tried to move her lips. The revelation that she had come to the past, reliving it, and that she was the woman in her childhood memories crippled her.

As the child got up and tied the ribbon to Siyan’s wrist, tears ran freely from her cheeks. The universe had given her the chance to experience her childhood again and also be reminded of the simple things that made her truly happy. Right there, Siyan became filled with bursts of emotions. Everything she ever felt missing was now back to her.

She closed her eyes. When she opened them, she was now alone again in the evening glimmer of the holidays.