It Is All Love Between Samantha And Earl

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made with dreamlike art ai.

Silly Samantha,

It is your birthday today and I can't find you anywhere. I thought you were out jogging, being at one with nature, and all those things you love to do. I figured I would make you some coffee just the way you love it before you return. Then I noticed it, Sam. Just like you, everything was gone.

You outdid yourself this time and I am not even kidding. You've always thought of yourself as the clever one. You took everything, didn't you? Including the espresso machine and the cheap filters too. Now you know why I nicknamed you “my filter.” Even my creamy and caramel organic coffee is gone. That's a whole bean you know. But I forgive you, Sam, I honestly do.

I know you're probably standing on the balcony of some old ranch house sipping the coffee that you brewed with YOUR espresso machine. I can even imagine that stupid grin on your face right now. You think you've done me dirty, don't you? Well, listen up.

I never liked coffee anyway. And just so you'd know, you make the worst black coffee. It is the reason you always find dark marks on the water cistern. I always flushed them just like I'm going to flush down your memories. That espresso machine you've so graciously acquired right now, I purchased it for you literally. Do you remember that store downtown that sells on credit? Yeah! I purchased it in your name and card. The credit is due a month from the purchase date so you should be getting a debit alert right about now. I believe that would be the perfect $600 birthday present from me to you. Happy Birthday, Sam.

And oh, that funny extra burnt smell in your coffee? I know you smell it right now. It’s from that toasted lizard we found three weeks ago when we cleaned out the oven. I made it into a powder and added it to your stash of coffee. “It's like a sudden flavor boost,” you had said. Have a nice life, Sam. Now you can wipe that stupid grin off your face. I win.

Earl,
Your dearly beloved.

My entry to Cinnamon Cup Coffee weekly writing prompt.

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12 comments
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Yikes sounds like Sam needed to leave months ago! 😅 Earl had no idea she was going to break up with him when he powered that lizard, what a wacko! Thank you for the giggles, this was a fun read 🤗

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Thank you so much. His evil was premeditated. I wonder how Sam missed that part of him. I'm glad you had fun.

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Thank you for stopping by. See you again soon:)

The Coolest.gif

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Hi @kei2, wow, what a great way to say goodbye. And to think I love coffee and how will it taste with that lizard additive? 🤣😂😅

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Thank you so much. That was so much evil from Earl. He had it for her for a very long time.

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Reptilian revenge is caramel sweet!

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Hehe! That fits the theme!😍
Thank you so much.

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Toasted lizard powder! In my coffee? Haaaa! If I were Sam, I'd start throwing up at the point of reading that. Earl wins. 😂 Hilarious.

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Hehe. I would too and I would never forgive Earl.
Thank you so much for stopping.

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Earl sounds evil! I'm sure she won't miss him :)

This post has been manually curated by the VYB curation project

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Thank you so much.

Such a vicious man. She'd be cursing him in her sleep. Hehe.

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