In Introspection: Talking Validation & Acceptance
I've always said that we thrive on validation and this is one of the biggest things we seek in life, this is because, at the height of our failures or accomplishment, it gets to a time when we'd need people who would be in lives without us deserving them.
When it gets to a point when we begin to measure if we're deserved some people in our lives, this is when we'd realize that we've met people who are not unconditional but are there for no reason that could be directly beneficial to them.
One of the biggest ask of every human is to find genuine people and this is because of the unstable reality of life, we want to thrive and feel whole and we cannot do this alone, sometimes we need people to be there, crossing boundaries and breaking limitations irrespective of the people we truly are.
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▶️ 3Speak
Absolutely bro, some friends grow to be genuinely more than friends in our lives they are worth keeping close regardless of physical distance and for the parasitic ones it is better keeping them at bay.
Well, I think that life will always be life, we cannot determine the real essence or ingredients of people unless situations happens. The strife for good people will always remain real and essential. It's a mad world out there.
You've said a lot and you are right about so many things. Sometimes we don't know this and that is why we feel so heartbroken when we see the people we think love us drift away.
In life we've done some things that are not really good and we always try to hide it away from people because we know they might not love us again if they found out about such things but it should not be like that all the time.
We all have something that we have done that if it was someone else, we might not want to associate with them again, so when it happens to us, we should just learn to accept it like that and make sure not to make sure mistakes again.
Indeed, some things happen in our lives that can either make people love us or hate us but I will love to advice that we should work on ourselves instead, we should always try to see the good in someone especially if they acknowledge their mistakes.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us grand mentor 🥰.
Thanks for that one. Well, let me see, my experiences have shown me some very dark side of life.
There are things we can control and things we cannot, what hurts is even seeing others... Their friends, acquaintances drift away based on what they cannot control, but like you've said. We can always try to work on ourselves, be better people, in character and mind.
I think I like to say I'm evolving, and I know the things I can control and the things I cannot, but then, no one should be judged.... Disliked based on the things they cannot control.
Hahaha, thanks for coming through.
Hmm, now this is another short way to put it, there are indeed some things we can't control and if the once we love or love us see those things are they willing to let it go and love us still? Well, we can't really say until it happens right?
It's a good thing to know what we can control and what we can't control, I'm happy you are evolving and that's a really good thing, you knowing what you can control and what you can't will help you manage some of these things.
It's a pleasure to always come through, I always get to learn something new, I'm the one who should say thank you 😊🙏.
True words 💯
This need for validation is in everyone consciously or unconsciously, even when we try to fight it. Although it is quite dominant in some people and dormant in some.
However I feel something still creates a great chasm.
The limit to how people love us is purely relativistic and subjective. By this I mean, what you may consider as your limit, for me, I may feel it is just you being dishonest, and sometimes when the limit surpases our expectations it may be interpreted as "overdoing" or "pretence".
Human beings are quite complicated shaa... and you know this can lead to a huge misunderstanding.
This is mostly rampant in romantic relationships... Sometimes when Love is genuine some people can even interpret it to be foolishness or stupidity. I agree that there has to be a limit to everything in life especially when it comes to love. But it's always good to have people who would surpass the ordinary even when our expectations are quite low. I've never expected too much of any one and not even my parents as it were, and this was because I believe we cannot be too expectant of one another, because of our human nature, we're inconsistent.
Nevertheless, it is a blessing to see people who would exceed our expectations and even go further to do more, howbeit, I try to stick to what's realistic. I have learned my lessons.
I try not to expect things from people and that's what has been keeping me going, for a while.
When you have great expectations for certain people or certain things, if things go south it will result to disappointment. Hence, I try not to allow myself expect too much or expect at all. Although it's difficult but I try to be realistic and open to the negative side also. This will give me a soft landing spot so that if the negative turns out, I won't be so disappointed.
I believe that no one owes me support... no one owes me help...
Wait oooo, I don't know if I got the English correct
What I mean is that, when I ask someone for help or assistance, it's either s/he gives me or not... him giving or not giving me, doesn't make him good or bad... except, let's say, the manner he used giving or not giving...
Well
E be like say I don go off point
Lol
You no go off point hahaha. Well last week, my aunt was lamenting that the church didn't give me any support when my mum died, but deep down I know the church don't owe me that and even if they actually did, it was a sign of good gesture and not because it was a necessity. I think that's why everyone must strive to be individually enabled. Because not being so brings us resentments when people don't come through for us.
Life in Nowdays is a Bad and Worse Nightmare. You cannot Judge one's fashion and inside feeling of him. So more frontal goodness to show but no visuals of what inside...
I’ve read something somewhere that said
This has a touch of truth to it, but not entirely. Men are mostly loved based on their value, where as women and children, well we just love them haha. (People generally love pets so dogs represents pets I guess?). But even with women and children, I would say there are limits. If you asked me, I’d say everyone has a limit or a line which they won’t cross for everybody in their lives. We all just hope we never need love beyond what the people that love us can give.
Great take on this man!
Thanks for that brilliant comment, however, I still believe the baseline is that there's a limit to the love that's given to every living and breathing entity. You're right about children and dogs, I still thinks we tend to tilt to showering women with unconditional love like you said and I don't really know why it's actually like this.
Society just decided it that way I guess???
Yeah, it's more of a norm that we've come to accept as practical reality.
It's a big problem when we think that everyone would love us unconditionally, not minding our darkest sides and moments. Humans are indeed different. We cannot be the same way. The way A would love and accept you for who you are will be different from how B would see it.
It becomes a problem for us when we think generally that everyone should love and accept us irrespective of who we are because not everyone would have the ability to tolerate things the same way.
It is rare to see someone who would stick closer to you apart from your family who will never disappoint you whenever you need them to accept you.