Broken.... Not Suicidal.
Finding A Reason
I've been going through some nail-biting experiences as of late, and one of the many ways I cope or deal is assuring myself that there are more people going through similar things or even more. This is how I show up on a daily basis, broken, pained, hurt, tired and ragged out, but finding a reason to float rather than succumbing to the many reasons why I should sink.
It's always easy to give it all up, the pressure to go down is lesser easier than staying up, and it's not everyone that's built to withstand the constant heat that life brings on a daily basis.
One of the reasons why I try not to blame people who are suicidal is because, the mind can only picture or imagine pain to a limit it's not built to envisage the degree of pain which a human can go through unscathed. Many try to blame people who are suicidal or have suicidal tendencies, so even go ahead to judge and criticize their motive.
What You Don't Know
While I'll try not to judge them (suicidal people), I try as much as possible to recognise the fact that being sucidal is an overwhelming process, a continuous chipping into one's ability to withhold or take in difficult challenges and slowly takes it's toll from within. It is a phenomenon that cripples one's immunity.
Truth is, we're built, juiced up to see or envisage hope even in hopeless situations and this immunity helps up stay alive, or find a reason to. However, most people go down that rabbit hole but just manages not to finally fall into that abyss, while some will just about fall, in the process of trying to withhold.
Life isn't fair, people aren't allowed to control their own lives and as a result of this, a person can continue experiencing ill fortunes and the more they constantly do so, each experience chips away at their courage, their strength and their resolve, till nothing is left and they can no longer take it anymore.
Dealing Differently
I like to silently deal with my issues, because I handle negative emotions better when I bottle it than when I talk about it. Some people are built to contrast this. Nevertheless having sucidal tendencies is different from being sucidal.
Being excessively depressed for example might cause anti-social behaviour which might lead to one being dangerous to themselves or to others. I was in a public transportation today and the person transporting me began to swerve the cab, before even began doing so, I was in a deep state of thought, pained by a certain traumatic experience I had just gone through and even when the thoughts were eating into me.
I was thinking of solutions to protect my mental health rather than having the thoughts to end my life. The way I panicked, scared for my life even in that deep state of pain, proved to me that I was only broken and not suicidal.
Protecting Your Immunity
Recently, I've chosen to be unafraid of making some choices and I've constantly come out really battered from these choices I've made, I've however noticed that I'm beginning to lose my ability to go anymore, I've began to see failure even without making any attempts.
This is where I chose to draw my line. People can easily become sucidal when they don't protect their immunity. Life is harsh, but then it's beautiful. We need to constantly see an equilibrium point in other to find a reason to keep living. Truth is, material things cannot create a motivation to keep going and this is because it is ephemeral. When one's motivation to keep thriving is built around ephemeral things.
What then happens to them immediately these possessions are not longer there? It's the same with building one's motivation with people, sometimes we build our motivation to keep living with people who we aren't certain of their longevity in our lives and the moment they leave, life suddenly becomes colourless.
Protecting Your Mental Health
No one is totally immune, sometimes we are sometimes anchored to prospects, people, place or feeling that are bound to fail, we know and recognise this but still choose to continue. While our conscience makes us human, there's an aspect of it that completely makes us blind to reality and what being logical should be about.
While we cannot control, prevent or stop bad things from happening to us, sometimes we need to consider the greater repercussions rather than choosing to succumb to the instant gratification we might experience by making logical choices in a bid to protect our mental health.
Our mental health needs to be protected at at cost, because it's the origin, the brainbox that might nurture these toxic feelings. In whatever you're going through, try to stay afloat. Find an incorrigible reason to keep thriving.
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I don't consider myself one of those people that would ever succumb to suicidal thoughts.
I've had my fair share of bad incidents and experience with life, people, and things. The experience is big enough to make people depressed, but I've never felt depressed before.
Well, life isn't easy. That's a fact. Suicide is also not as easy as we think.
I guess everyone just need to find ways to deal with their thoughts. There is alot to life. We just need to be focused enough to see life for what it is.
Well I won't consider Suicidal tendencies but then no one is immune from it, just like life experiences can be overwhelming and it turns out we can't even begin to predict it. It's better we just try to watch it at all times.
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Thank you, I'm grateful
Yo, I haven't gotten to discord yet, too many classes today, not able to unwind yet. I'll be there sometime in the next 24 hours.
I can totally relate to this. When I rely on the world to make me happy it fails every single time, but that doesn't mean there isn't an abundance of happiness to discover, it just requires me to look for it, or to create it.
The crazy thing about depression and human emotion in general is that it doesn't always react to the same stimuli the same way. So one person in an awful situation may not feel that bothered, but another in a much less severe situation may be devastated, and this does not even mean the second person is weaker or more sensitive. Perhaps they are more of a saltwater fish in a freshwater pond, or perhaps they have not advanced as far through Maslow's hierarchy of needs. We are such complex creatures and we are always changing.
I had a close friend who I lost to suicide. I never once blamed her. I miss her so much, but I can only hope she found peace. I don't think she made the best decision, but I respect it anyway. With life there are always possibilities, and things can turn around in a moment.
I hope you can find all the joy you desire, you deserve it.
Thanks for dropping by. In reality, I do believe that I wouldn't even begin to imagine what a suicidal person is going through.
There was a time in my life where I had people who undermined my experiences and how it turned out to be devastating for me. Some people basically feel that a situation should determine how a person reacts to it.
This is why I always lay emphasis on the fact that we are all built or equipped differently.
While am I not be suicidal, wasn't particularly great superhuman abilities in me, sometimes it requires the highest level of motivation to stay adrift.
I've been having classes too and always busy, I just manage to squeeze in online time as well as time to be on hive as well.
This past week has been extra stressful on my mental health, can't remember the number of times I cried. I'm glad to see that someone else understands and is able to put it as It's being felt.
Thank you for these words😊😊
You are welcome, thank you for reading, we need to recognise the stress limit which our mental health requires to keep going, it's necessary to maintain that level to make us go further in life without having to slip into suicidal thoughts.
i have still the habit of nail biting ,although i cope up with this habit 88 percent but i know its just not avoidable.when ever i think or in mind is weary my fingers goes into my mouth although i control it a lot.i really want to get rid with this habit.