FFF ~ The Destroyer ~ 1,000,000 Pound Burrito ~ FFF

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(Edited)

Here we go again my Friends of the Food Fight Friday Aren!! Wait, since this is an all out war that could possibly end in a food coma lasting for days... does that make us Friends?... or Foes?... Well if you take a hit from my up and coming contender, you are most likely going to be begging for mercy and considering a Foe from this point on. Hey I’m just going to be honest, I even disliked my self after going round for round with this contender. It was a punishment I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy fri-enemy... I’m truly sorry for what I am about to put you Food Fight Friday Food Lovin’ Foodies through... God Speed Good Food Flingers!!

The Destroyer

The 1,000,000 Pound Burrito

Ok, now don’t you go straight to the poopy thinkin’... :cough @puravidaville... “Oh ya, you destroyed the bathroom after that monster!!!” Um... no!! When you have a well maintained stomach like mine... that is never an issue. When you maintain a perfect balance of heathy and slightly, a tiny bit, small amount, just the right amount of not so healthy stuff... you don’t have to worry about blowing the back of the toi... nevermind... bowel moving on... Sorry I really didn’t mean to go there, sometimes it just happens... like a wet fa...r... You on with this post? I really didn’t mean to gross anyone out, it’s natural, chill my homies.

Now when you making a 1,000,000 pound burrito you need a tortilla what is bigger than a school bus... or approximately 12 inches in diameter. From pinky to thumb my hand is 9 inches and this tortilla overlaps the plate. Hey, hold up!! My plates aren’t small, my tortillas are just big.

So the word on the street is just across the border (In Oregon) there are some tortillas that make these look like taco shells. Trust me, if this is true... I will find them and I will eat... one... and tell all you food flingin’ peeps all about it!!

Then all you do is this...

Start with a healthy layer of beans, then rice, then seasoned ground beef, cheese, lettuce, onion, avocado, tomato, habanero hot sauce and some sour cream to add that little bit of coolness. I do have to say, the toughest part about making a burrito this size is rolling is up in a way it doesn’t fall apart. Little do you foodies know, I pay close attention to how the professional burrito makers do it. I am a very experience burrito eatin’ foo!! He I did my time in central Cali.. what’s up. Hahaha I know what your thinkin’ ... “White boy, you don’t know jack about rolling a monster burrito!” Well guess what... I can roll up a 1,000,000 pound burrito... what you got on that???!!

I am like Eminem... I know how to... rap wrap...

I do have to admit, I was slightly intimidated by the size and weight of the Destroyer... A Food Coma was eminent if I was to devour this is one sitting.

After the first few bites, I realize that this Destroyer is going to get destroyed!! The heat from the habanero was intense but the sour cream brought just the right coolness. Then add the crunch of the lettuce, the gooey cheese and the chunks of avocado and I just can’t stop chowing down on this Man-Sized burrito.

This is when it has become one of those... All or Nothin’ type of moments. The challenge has been accepted and I WILL WIN!! This burrito has all the flavors, the heat, the cool, the crunch, the gooey, the sweet, the.... shoot I don’t know!!! It tastes so dang good I just couldn’t quit eating!!

My family often looks at me like I am some sort of crazy person, well even though that is true to a point but I’m not 100% crazy just 83%. I keep track so that I don’t go over 90%. I might be small in stature but I eat big!! Just ask the Power-Lifter I work with... I’m not going to do that, I don’t want to embarrass him again. Hahaha.

I have my moments when I can just devour the food like a bottomless pit. Then there are the times when I... eat like a somewhat “normal” person...

I will be the first to admit...

This burrito put me over the edge!!

Good Grief!! Why do I do this to myself!! I couldn’t imagine what those competitive eating guys go through!! I mean, they don’t have a dog to lay next to...

To relax that belly

Until next time...

Steem On
and

Go Big...
or
Go Home
Food Fight Friday

Don’t forget to mention @splatz when you encounter a post that deserves a good Splattin’ by the @splatz trail

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That's really a destroyer burrito @jlsplatts ... you got everything in there from any side of the world, you eat the world!😁😁😁

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I can’t wait to see what I can do with the rumored tortilla shells that are the size of a pizza. Hahaha. The flavors were all there!! Oh Ya!!

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Man that is a Manrito right there. Holy Whoppers! Ima try and copy that badboy. Nice jobe Holmes 👍🏾

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Yes, Yes it is... The Manliest of Man Burritos. Hahaha Speaking of Manliness, look online for a book called The Alphabet of Manliness by Maddox. DUDE!!! You will die laughing. I think I have found it before and you can read it for free online. Trust me you won’t be disappointed. I will find it and share it on discord. OMG I totally forgot about that book. Hahahah

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Your kids are lucky to have you man. You had me entertained and awaiting the next sentence from the start. Eh, you’re funny. I don’t know why you never accepted any of those COM challenges. I bet you’re hilarious in the flesh.

You learned how to roll the big burrito is California—ain’t that the truth! Eh, people who don’t know - don’t know but to anyone reading this, check it out—fact: California has the best weed and best Mexican food on the planet. Sure, 5th largest economy, named coast lines, true, but the part they don’t stress enough is the Mexican food and weed.

That part about you keep track so you don’t go over 90 is frikkin funny.

Thanks for the entertainment Splatts. That was a good one. Ya’all have a good weekend.

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That make 1 person that I can get to laugh 😉 I’m glad you got som chuckles out of this one. I was goin to keep going with the potty talk but sometimes that can get a little out of hand.

My go-to place in Fresno Roberto’s. It’s a meat market but Berto himself makes plates. You can get a chiliverde breakfast burrito regular size, which is big enough. But for those that need just a little more to fill them up.. you can get Berto Size!! That tortilla he uses has to me a minimum of 15 inch diameter. The amazing part is, they don’t fall apart while your eating it. I bought enough burritos from Berto to examine his technique and perform it pretty well. Not to mention the Taco Trucks that are setup with seating and awnings. When I was doing Helicopter work on a 230kv reconductor job, we would stop in and load up on tacos on our way to the next fly site/landing zone. “I’ll take 10 Asada tacos please” they had this avocado salsa they put on it... OOOHHH MYYYY!! Shovel 10 of those down the hatch, then hook up to the 60 foot rope that is attached to the bottom of the helicopter and back to work. Hahaha

90% crazy, no you gotta look at that like cheating in school. If you keep your grade around that B+ A- range no questions asked. But if your acing everything and it’s pretty obvious you are stoned everyday, then some eyebrows might be raised. I am in no way speaking from experience or admitting guilt.

Cheers

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I can’t tell you miss Bertos or anything. Nah, not at all.

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@jlsplatts
Your Food Fight Friday Contender has been entered into Round 55
May your contender make it out alive and not be placed in a permanent food coma!
B5E5B35B-2DB2-40C2-BC1A-8750ECD4870D.gif
Good Luck

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That thing is a beast!
I'm usually good for 2-3 asada burritos a week. :)
One of my faves!

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(Edited)

This local place makes a Hawaiian burrito. Asada, ham, cheese, bell pepper (green and red) grilled onions and pineapple. It is my favorite!!
Edit:
Just got home from an outage and look at that... Hawaiian burritoimage.jpg

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You just crack me up @jlsplatts. I can't believe you ate that whole thing yourself, you could have fed a small country with that bad boy. Great post as usual.

ENJOY

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Oh yes, it was a monster for sure. I’m going to be checking if the rumor is true. A HUGE tortilla like 15-18 inches across. OH MY!!

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Funny stuff as usual, and always a great way to start my day, with a couple of good laughs. You have got the appetite of a 400 pound sumo wrestler.

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