My inmature reaction to my niece's pregnancy

Hello my friends, I found this community by pure accident and I feel that I have arrived at the perfect place. I have so many stories to tell and so many emotions that I feel I have the right to share them with no one else because they wouldn't understand, but I don't want to get up to events.

I comment: As has happened in thousands of homes, my younger sister, whom I love with all my heart and whom I love as my daughter, became pregnant at the age of 17.

My mother, unknowingly, forced her to marry and, well, she and The father of her two older children loved each other very much and they made it work for a while but she was really young, she turned 18 immediately and he turned 19.

A year and a half later they had a girl despite that, today they have two beautiful children in common, a 24-year-old boy and a 23-year-old girl, he by his side, has two more children from a very long-term marriage of about 20 years old and my sister has another 5 year old baby from her second marriage of 13 years.

The truth is that I feel like my mother, like my sister, like my brother-in-law, but in this case I am obviously going to talk about myself and my feelings.

We are in an emotional spiral and it must be especially difficult for my brother-in-law. that he took the upbringing of my older nephews as if they were his children in fact he calls them "Son and daughter" and they see him as a present father since their father their biological father is a man economically present but not physically and they have conflicts of personality, character and communication, he is more focused on his new family as my mother says "the man loves the woman the children while he is with the woman."

A few months ago my niece came with the news that she was pregnant by her only boyfriend, she is in college, she has just turned 23 and it has been a shock to me. It has been extremely painful. I know that culture teaches us that we have to rejoice and we must put on our best smile in these circumstances, but the reality is that my niece and her boyfriend are not prepared at all, financially, psychologically or in any way.

On the contrary, they are going to need all the support in the world and my sister is a person who takes care of too many people, she doesn't have time for her and I'm afraid she'll get sick, she doesn't even have her own house, she lives with my mom because she still doesn't she has had the means to buy her own house, my mother is 74 years old, she is a person who has a quite variable mood and they frequently have arguments and I tell her that this is normal in houses where many adults live together who already have points of view different, ways of seeing life differently and they definitely make individual decisions.

individual? Yes, because in the case of my niece, when she found out she was pregnant, she was only a week and a half old and although the option of terminating the pregnancy was raised because the membrane had barely formed and the fetus was not formed, she decided to have it. I found out when she was approximately 2 months old and at that moment I entered into a kind of internal conflict in my particular case, and I thought "okay, does she know what she is getting into? because my nephews have had a very privileged life and protected.
However, on the other hand, I felt that she was proud of her because she was doing the right thing, she was doing the things that we instilled in her, abortion has never been an option in my family and it has never happened consensually when it happened It has been for natural reasons.

With all this history, what I am reflecting on as I write about values, the importance of the values ​​that we give our children, those that we teach them at home and in their hearts. In my case I feel proud that she. and the decision you made and abide by the consequences, what are the consequences? (and I'm not saying it in a bad tone) but the consequences are that she can no longer wake up at the time she wants, she can no longer change her schedule at the university because she wants to sleep more, she can no longer go shopping with her friends etc etc.

The pregnancy has hit her a lot and she has had a lot of discomfort. She has had to go to the doctor. She had to give up because the discomfort is really unbearable. However, there are always several versions of the story, several interpretations of the same situation. I always say that there is no absolute truth, I was the first to censor the situation.

And I regret it a lot, because my niece has endured her pregnancy, which has not been easy at all with dignity, they have everything ready, the baby is born this month, and the strength, determination, and conviction that girl had to cling to her life is incredible. tummy and that makes me feel bad as a human being because she is the girl that I raised with the values ​​that I instilled in her or that I helped to raise and that makes me very proud. Many times we reap what we sow and the reality is that today after all those feelings have calmed down.

I love psychology. I studied psychology and did postgraduate studies in 2004 and 2007, but I definitely need to update myself because my first reaction was definitely an instinctive reaction, and I feel that I can give more than that, because my level of emotional intelligence and everything that I have worked on my feelings, on my empathy, they went to the ground because my pride prevailed, my ego won the battle and I was about to lose the beautiful relationship I have with my niece because of my attitude.

All this photos were taken by myself with my lumix Panasonic DMC-FH15