Dead becomes alive

November 10, 2022

A person becomes dead when forgotten and dead becomes alive when remembered.

It seems that everything just happened yesterday. Everytime you remember a particular memories that you have shared by those people who already sleep ahead of us, it seems that it is so fresh, it seems that they are still with us.

My father started his long sleep (death) last February 08, 2022. He is now asleep on his grave and waiting Jesus to wake him up in the resurrection morning.

I really had a hard time starting this blog because I know its hurt. I know it would make me remember those moments that we were together and usually it will makes me teary-eye or worse will make me cry again.

When he died, I tried to be strong in front of my family, in front of my mother and above all in front of my 5 younger siblings. We're six and I am the eldest. We are trying to comfort each other. We said, no one will cry but we can't stop our tears from falling.

It was hard but thanks God for the strength He imparts to each one of us.

This time, allow me to share my memories with my father. This is also a participation in Hiveph community blogging contest for November Week 2: Remembering the Departed.

His second to the last dinner

I wasn't there in his last day because the hospital won't allow any visitors due to covid restrictions but I was with him in his second to the last dinner. I went home upon knowing that he is badly sick, I cooked rice porridge for him and I let him eat. He eats very well that night that seems he is so much hungry.

Last family bonding and last family picture

It is his always wish to go to the beach and have swimming. He loves to swim and I still remember how he hold my chin trying to teach me how to swim. Everytime we go to the beach, he won't forget to teach me how to swim. But guess what? Until now I don't know how to swim, lol. Imagine we can go to the beach only once a year or sometimes none.

When he becomes a dialysis patient and the tube pass through in his neck, he can't to go swimming. So, when the tube was transferred to his hands, he always ask for us to go to the beach.

It was a church activity that we decided to go as a family. He is so happy and he never stop requesting for a family picture until we did it.

He is so happy that time, seeing his family complete. My brother (the fifth from left) is working in Manila and he went home that time and it makes us complete.

We didn't knew it was our last and final family picture. It was our last family bonding. It was his last swimming in the beach.

The first time I saw him wearing shoes

(Sigh, sumisikip yung puso ko) My father had a gout arthritis making his bones in joints popped like their is marble inside. There's a lot in his toes and in his hands. This makes him uneasy to wear shoes as it hurts him so much.

One time his brother gave him shoes but he never use it but instead just keep it and wait until my younger brother grows and gave it to him.

My father is that man in the left side.

I'm 27 years old before I saw him wearing shoes for the first time. It was my wedding day. He can just wear his favorite sandals on that day but he tried his best wearing black shoes for my wedding day. I can't imagine how painful it is for him but he tried to do it for our special day. (Oh, my tears were falling.)

His last birthday

Who would know it was his last birthday celebration. He was so happy that time having a money cake for the first time. He is so amazed while pulling money from a cake and after he said, this money will be spend for dialysis again. There's sadness in his voice. I know he is struggling too being a dialysis patient because aside for financial crisis that we face, he cannot do the things he usually did.

He asked forgiveness even it is not needed

It was new year when we had our family worship to thanks God for our life in the entire year and asking His guidance and blessings again for the new year. Part of our program is to give message or share some experiences about the blessings we have received. When it is his turn to give a message, we were surprised because he said "My children, please forgive me the way I disciplined you before."

He used to spank us before when we had mistakes or committed sin. He used belt, broom or stick. It was really hard and you can see the marks in our skin but we accept it as way of disciplining us.

We answered to him "No need to ask forgiveness, tay because if you didn't do so we wont become a good person right now. Thank you tay"

It was a memorable messages for each other and it made us cry.

He is my mentor

My father is a farmer and we used to sell our harvested products in the market. My father would wake me up so early in the morning around 1am so we could travel in the city by riding a jeepney. When we reached there, we will arranged our products and he will let me sleep for a while and wakes me up again at 4am where there are many customers. He would let me drink milk so I have something hot in my stomach.

He teached me how to sell and evwn he teached me the strategy of selling. I know how to market and get customers attention. I earned some self confidence in selling through him.

Those are some of my memories with my father. I have a lot more but I know a day would not be enough to share them all.
Life is short, we don't know when we'll be going to sleep and rest in our grave. Enjoy life, give love, share hope.

The pain of missing someone is always there sleeping inside our hearts. It will be awaken when we remember them, see things that remind them of us and above all when we are having family gathering and you'll see that someone is missing.

I miss him, we missed him.

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Thank you for reading.