RE: The Painful Void in my Heart, LOH 160

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I become emotional reading this. I can imagine your suffering and sacrifices taking care of her. You are a real friend. What I envy about you is that, you had a chance to be with her and talk with her which I didn't have before my father passed away. What was more painful was when I saw him dying through video call in the hospital.. I couldn't control my emotions that day even until now .. I felt useless and hopeless.. I saw how he struggled... I thought he would survive when his VS got back to normal after he got CPR which lasted for a long time. But the next moment, he's gone 😭😭. Do you know what makes me difficult to move on? When we found out that my father knew that he'd die, he didn't inform us about it.. We only learned about it after reading his notebook which is like a diary to him. Just imagine the sacrifices he made and how he dealt with his imminent death alone...😔

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This explains your brief absence.
I can understand, and admire you in dealing with your own grief openly before our LOH and respective communities. That prompted me to dig deep in forging together this post, yet it is merely the tip of the mountain. Aside my fragmented thinking, I can only type with my left hand, my right hand is too painfully stiff to type or use the mouse effectively. That partly explains my inability to judge back in the beginning of October. I even gave my Substitute a 5k Delegation for 10 days. I'm not sure if I could fulfill my December slot.

Since Deb was initiated into hospice care it became hard to motivate myself to write let alone thinking about getting up out of bed, I just want to go back to sleep and avoid dealing with another overwhelming day.
Many years ago I lost my father in a freak hunting accident, though I had many months with Deb I again grossly under estimated the pain and intensity of our separation. We're very close. The urn you see is Deb, She and I will be interred together in a future date.

The response to this initiative has been amazing from our community, thank you for prompting me out of my shell and share my experience too.

Much ❤️🤗 to you @jane1289
!LADY

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My questions are always life-related. And I am thankful to this community for allowing me to know other people's opinions and thoughts on my questions motivates me to continue...
Take some time to fully rest !LADY you truly need it.

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