Apocalyptic Homesteading (Day 525)
Hello Everyone!
Off to a slow start, Time to get long-winded, The workload balancing act, A caretaking perspective & Thoughts on land!
I slept in a few extra hours this morning and did not wake up until a few minutes after nine which is fine and all because I did wake up earlier but kept choosing to fall back asleep again. Last night I had a hard time falling asleep and although I am unsure of the exact time it was after midnight and my brain just would not wind down and let me rest.
Anyway, I have no idea what I am going to do today but I want to do something besides vegging out at the computer even though that is probably more what I need to do than anything else. By all that I mean that I am more than likely overdue for taking a day off again which yeah is not something that I am good at keeping up with anymore unless it is from the weather, an injury or sheer exhaustion.
Having spent large portions of my life working incessantly at actual jobs and always doing the 'working for the weekend' thing that most labor oriented tradespeople do... it just somehow lost its appeal for me along the way. It is kind of funny but I think that (a bit later in life) when I worked as a bouncer for a number of years the 'weekend' itself lost its charm or just enough of it that it quit mattering to me the way that it did before.
Then even later in life I began working part of the year and taking the winter off which had more to do with the nature of the work (caretaking) than anything else but it further skewed my perception of taking time off. I mean why would I want to take every sixth and seventh day of the week off during the busy times when the weather is fair and miss out on the chance to get stuff done... if I could instead work towards one long uninterrupted break during the colder months.
I know none of that is new to you long-term readers but for anyone else suffice it to say that I reached a happy equilibrium doing that yearly routine quite some time back. Just to be absolutely clear here: No I do not struggle with laziness nor by being intimidated by the tasks that need done to the point where nothing gets done.
Basically when I work I give it my best and yes I have to keep track of my work routines because I will (as the old saying goes) 'work myself to the bone' and then just a wee bit more for good measure and do the exact opposite when its time for an extended break. In other words no matter which mode I am in I tend to take it to its extreme not because of some compulsive desire... but because I enjoy it!
All that said. When I first arrived at this place I had already been working for a year straight without taking a winter off and given the scenario I had to make a really hard push to get things setup so that the place was viable for me the dogs and of course my feathered friends the chickens. All of which is fine but it was a heck of a 'push' to do it especially after not having had a break for so long.
Since I knew that I was already operating outside my usual system of checks and balances (with working and taking breaks) I just buckled down, gritted what remains of my teeth and worked to change the scenario with the promise to myself that when it was all over I would take a real break. I am unsure of the exact month even though I could probably find it in these entries... but I think that I stopped somewhere around May when the weather started heating up.
Well, at that point I had to take a break or have a meltdown from overworking myself for the better part of a year and a half straight. Which is fine and all and I am in no way complaining there but I was initially planning on taking a few months off and then getting back to doing stuff afterwards.
What happened though is that I got reminded that the summer in the south (outside of the mountains) is pretty brutal and in no way suited for the kind of work that I do. Which of course lead me to extending my break a bit into the fall and how I wound up deciding to start taking the summers off instead of the winters.
If you are not following here: Doing things that way meant that I could do more work each year not less! I could also do it without struggling with the heat, the bugs, the ticks and of course the venomous snakes. Call me selfish but those things are all health risks not to mention that they make doing things a hassle which yeah when doing 'free work' tip the balance squarely into the 'not worth it' category for me personally.
Hell, those things are not even worth contending with for 'paid work' most of the time given the risks they involve but I do not want to get sidetracked by that train of thought regardless of how true it holds. Given the way the seasons and the critters are here it makes more sense to work with them instead of against them and shuffling around my downtime would not be all that difficult considering that I had already been wanting to do so anyway just to change things up.
During last autumn the time had come to get back to working on stuff but a few factors played against me on that because my food assistance ran out which happened to be how I was fueling my body with the calories it needs to operate... any 'paid work' here was not an option and the prices of goods had begun climbing higher and higher to boot.
So yeah I was like screw it I may as well extend this break some more because it seems like that is actually the best option! Which in all sincerity of course it was! Especially since I barely had enough calories to get my usual chores done... that I in no way shape or form ever get a break from throughout the year let alone each week.
To be clear there I love the daily chores and routines that I have and would not want a break from them even if I could because I often feel like they help comprise some of (if not all) the bedrock of my mental well-being. As far as lifestyle choices go there is a reason that I will be pushing fifty years old in a few years and still more or less in awesome physical shape and can still work most folks half my age 'under the table' so to speak.
What I was getting at is that even during my downtime I still stay active each day and of course still squeeze in some hiking whenever the mood strikes me and the weather permits it so it is not like some big vacation or one long party or some horseshit like that. I will not yet again detail all the things that I use my downtime for but suffice it to say that it highly compliments the time I spend working throughout the year.
My point with all that is that I think I started working on clearing brush (thus ending my downtime) back in December and although it literally took me months to get it to the point that it is I did actually achieve most of my goal. If the battery operated chainsaw had not failed on me I probably would have gotten even more of it cleared but meh there always seems to be something like that cropping up to spoil things!
Anyway, I worked on all that (and of course other things) over the last many months and here I am four months into my work cycle for the year and am once again eyeing taking the summer off entirely. The thing is though I doubt the landowners here even know what I have been up to for all these months and are probably totally clueless that I am already on the final stretch of my work period.
Not that I really give a damn if they or anyone else clues themselves in on what I am up to in life but at least in regards to the brush clearing the only real purpose (besides creating a fire break) for doing it is so that solar panels can be installed on the cabin for the landowners. Like I have said numerous times the cabin roof gets shaded by some of the trees... which yeah means the trees have to go or there is no point in even installing the solar in the first place.
Please do not read a bunch of contention into that because there is not any. What I am saying is that in order for one thing to be done another thing has to be done first... which is damn near the case with doing anything but I digress on that point! Hell, I do not even expect the folks here or any other landowner to know (nor understand) everything that I am doing because it is after all my profession to both 'know and understand' the work I do.
Something that I learned long ago was to somehow chronicle the work that I do and while that has taken on many forms over the years ranging from short daily notations of hours involved and projects done to these often long-winded entries... but no matter which way I documented it I have never regretted doing so and doubt that I ever will.
The main reason that I go to such lengths (especially with taking photographs) over the last many years is because I never want to be in a position where anyone can say that I 'did not do anything' or did less than what I agreed to do. It is kind of unrelated but believe me folks will absolutely ignore that someone does more than they say they will but harp for all eternity on any perceived failings.
In short I do all that stuff to cover my own ass and have irrefutable evidence (in the case of pictures) going back to the first day I arrive at a place which yeah is a bunch of work in and of itself but it at least gives me some motivation to document things. Of course making content with it (or portions of it) brings a bit of balance to the scenario but that is of course beside the point.
Although there are absolutely other contributing factors to the sharing aspect of things... delving into that would get me way off topic here. Lets just say that there is a whole lot to it all and 'nothing is ever as simple as it may appear to be' and if at this point you find yourself reading between the lines on what I am saying then snap the fuck out of it and read what I am actually saying.
I doubt anyone who has not been a caretaker for landowners can understand this so I will not spend too much time trying to spell it out. That said, suffice it to say that when you are dealing with other folks on their property and they hold the ability to yank your life out from under you at any moment (or just make it a living hell) you either make concessions, go crazy or bail out completely.
Having done some combination of all three of those things over the years I tend to lean heavily into the 'making concessions' at this point and just treat it all as 'part of the job' and do my utmost to avoid any friction along the way. If it sounds dodgy... well it is but that is life sans leases, contracts and all the paperwork involved that wait for it... evolved because folks (left to their own devices) seldom treat each other right and will more often than not re-write history to their own liking.
Hence the utter imperative to create documentation to one degree or another on my own because there just is not any other safety mechanism in place and we all know how folks 'word' can change on a whim or just when it suites them to do so. As crappy as that is... its just human nature which yeah is not all that impressive of a thing to start with!
After all these years of dealing with landowners I have to say that by and large nothing short of a two hundred thousand (or more) word contract written to an unalterable blockchain would even come close to covering all the bases... and make me feel like they have entered into as solid of an agreement with as much brevity as I myself have entered with.
Now before anyone gets their knickers in a twist you have to understand that I have been doing this for a long time and have met and dealt with all kinds of folks along the way and am not saying that all landowners are bad or any myopic bullcrud like that but that they are just as human as anyone else and just as flawed as anyone else myself included.
What I am getting at though is that it requires a leap of faith on my part that they will do the right thing along the way, not lose sight of the goals and of course not make my life that aforementioned 'living hell' or append it entirely due to their own emotional or mental upheaval as a person, a couple or family unit depending on the scenario.
You have to understand I am in other folks domain doing this kind of work and have zero domain of my own... nor want it aside from inside whatever passes as a shelter. Oddly enough by the time I am actually in the little bubble of said shelter I am over 'domains' and heck even 'dominions' of any sort so go figure!
When it comes right down to it I learned to do that for self-preservation purposes but now that I spend a good bit of my time writing I have begun to use that indoor time for doing that. All of which helps me maintain my own 'life' that is unattached to everything else even if I draw on that same 'everything else' as my literary fodder!
Navigating the personal and impersonal at a place of work is tricky for everyone to start with but those two things are so interwoven together for me that there are only the lines that I myself create which separate the two. One thing is for certain and that is: You can bet your ass I have gotten good at both distinguishing, drawing and maintaining said lines.
Here is the thing though, I am considering leaving the entire 'helping others fulfill their dreams' (caretaking) behind and while it is not like I have gotten nothing out of it over the years because of course it has provided me with places to live, work etcetera... I am also at the point where I simply want more from life.
A life where ideally I could grow my favorite trees knowing that I can plant them in the ground and watch them grow tall and later watch the sun set on my life while taking my ease in their shade. Of course I want to do a lot more than just that but in essence I think that sentence encapsulates my desire and intention the most.
On a very basic level I am also just tired of continually uprooting my life and usually right when I am starting to get things setup the way that I like them. Setting everything up just to break it all down again in a few years gets absolutely frigging annoying not to mention downright demoralizing. So I have to ask myself all these years (and who knows how many homestead setups) later... is it worth it to keep trying?
More and more often I am leaning towards the 'not worth it' sentiment which is why I have been thinking about trying to save up for some land even though I know that it will literally take me decades to get enough together to pull off a land purchase. Believe me I am in no hurry for all that jazz but the sooner I begin it the better.
There are also several other things competing with those savings which are all health or dental related. Not to mention 'who knows what else' might come up along the way... but like I said a few days ago I think that it is a worthy goal. Although I would probably never do it I have even considered doing some kind of fundraising for it or even utilizing a DAO (decentralized autonomous organization) to achieve it just because I feel that passionately about it being the right move for me.
In other words the notion of going to great lengths to achieve the goal is not unimaginable to me at this point. As sad as it may sound I caught myself daydreaming the other day about how I wished a factory (or anything) got built within walking distance of me just so I could go punch a clock and have a reliable income to dump into the land procurement process!
Occasionally I do wonder how awesome of a place that I could create around me sans the intermediary of dealing with landowners and all the stuff that goes along with doing so. Of course my achievements would be limited by my own finances but I do tend to be both resourceful and pragmatic so I am sure that I would figure things out as they come along.
It would be one heck of a 'tough row to hoe' going from raw land to something worth inhabiting on minimal finances but that does not mean it would be impossible nor anything even outside of my experience. Believe me I sure know exactly what I would be getting myself into which is why I approach it all with the thoughtfulness that such matters deserve.
Alright, I am unsure if I wrapped all that up in a reasonable fashion or not and I in no way intended to write so much... but I sure feel better having done so! It is now almost fifteen after one in the afternoon which means I have done nothing except clack away at this keyboard for the last four hours straight spelling out my ponderous thoughts!
That said, I need to get busy outdoors and at the very least get my routine morning chores done before it gets much hotter out there. The next few days are supposed to remain pretty nice but then another big storm system is rolling in so I kind of want to get a good bit done before all that happens and I wind up stuck indoors for a day or two.
Okay, it is now a little before sunset and I need to get this entry wrapped up one way or another. This will undoubtedly be interesting to edit but I am sure that I will manage to get it done before the hour grows too much later.
If you are curious I did get a good bit of stuff done today but I am just at the end of my wherewithal for now and need to focus on closing this can of worms and not opening any more! I hope that everyone is doing well and has a nice day/night.
https://peakd.com/c/hive-114308/created
Life is always full of you need to do this before you can do that. Or you need to do 3 or 4 things before this can be done. Your little trees look healthy.