Apocalyptic Homesteading (Day 1139)

Hello Everyone!

A very brief letter to the Hive and Homesteading communities.

Alright, I got the critters fed a bit earlier than usual once again so that I could begin writing before sunset... and whoa it actually worked out according to plan because here I am. I am also starting right at the top of the hour... which is something that I was hoping to do so that I could easily track how long it takes for me to spell things out here.

Trying to match my 'effort invested' to the monetary return on said investment... has been tricky considering how much the rewards tend to fluctuate... but on average I think I am still clocking a whopping two to three dollars... per four hours invested! Although, I could say 'that is not bad for having been on this blockchain for nearly six and a half years' I will not say that... because yeah it would be a lie.

Yeah, it is horrendous as far as 'earnings' go (insert snide chuckle)... but failing to conform... and being critical of the actions/motives of others (often in a caustic way when subtlety and kindness fails to work) I completely understand why that is the case. There are probably (or assuredly) other reasons for that being the case... but overall I know it is my willingness to speak out... no matter what it may cost me down the line.

The thing is that I have not stuck around this long 'for the money' and honestly I realized very early on... that the technology is just amazing, some of the core developers are awesome and the community is something that I want to be a part of... because dare I say it: I believe in the spirit of it and how the ideas of said spirit mesh rather nicely with some of my personal beliefs, ideas and opinions.

I know that Hive means something different to everyone and that it is (in and of itself) just an unbiased chain of information... but hopefully folks are not intentionally 'splitting hairs' so much that they fail to see what I am expressing there. Whether it is foolish or not on my part though... it all means something to me that far outpaces any monetary value.

Honestly, most of the folks on here have been happy to extract whatever 'entertainment' (and monetary) value that they could from the struggles of my life reflected in these at times long winded entries. They also did it knowing full well that many times along the way... they could have helped me tremendously... at hardly any cost to themselves... and chose not to.

That is an observation not a gripe... and also I should be clear that a few times folks have helped to one small degree or another... so please do not think I am being ungrateful (or inconsiderate) of that fact. It is simply the 'way of the world' and lacking brazen displays of sex appeal, relentless grovelling... or a sufficient amount of schmoozing and/or circle jerking with the 'big' players... I know not to expect too much... or anything for that matter.

Heck, even when I first started the Homesteading community I caught all kinds of flak for doing so... and although I still have never wrapped my head around the 'why' of said flak... it was there nonetheless. The truth is that back then the only communities (Tribes) were essentially a bunch of upper middle class folks who were so starkly pretentious (and bougie) that it made for very little room for folks that were not part of their perceived ilk... or willing to tolerate said ilk for either some worthless tokens or a little Hive.

I am not trying to 'cast shade' there and am more saying that there was no place for average folks to just be themselves, share their lives, skills (or whatever) and just be accepted... as they are. Without pressure to take the 'perfect' picture, write the 'perfect' post... or otherwise conform to the high bar that their lifestyles and wealth accommodated they themselves. Birds of a feather flock together... and all that jazz.

Another big factor in the founding of the community was that for many years I had 'poked my head into' numerous online communities (centered around homesteading) just to find... that the folks operating them were using it to either push a religious narrative, a political agenda... or some hodgepodge of both. All of which is really neither 'here nor there' for me personally... since I abstain from both those things... but by and large it silenced (or made uncomfortable) folks who just wanted to learn something... or help others to learn something... or many 'somethings' for that matter.

All of which is how things became what they are in regards to the 'rules' of the community. I do not know about you... but I have enough personal experience with dealing with communities of people... to know that communities without rules are a total train wreck that often deserve the term 'cult' instead of community. I only say it that way because generally speaking... there can be found one or two folks with some form of (small to large) wealth at the center of it all... fueling it... feeding their insatiable ego (or coffers) off of it... and treating folks as if they were disposable... instead of like the human beings that they are.

Not to get too sidetracked by all that stuff... but I have as little tolerance of it in the world of flesh and bone... as I do in the digital world so you do the math on what kind of person that I am from there. In fact, that aspect of my personality is so strong (and as some would say: fierce) that I eventually learned that if I was ever going to have any kind of peace in my life... I was going to do it alone... in the woods... away from folks.

A while back I was chatting with someone (about my current lifestyle) and I made a remark along the lines of 'people just stress me out' and it was not until that moment... that I realized the true depth of which I held that sentiment... and I had held it for decades by then! Back when I still had high hopes for finding a good community to live at I would often say: I do better at the edge of a community than at the center of it. Which basically means I prefer 'patrolling the perimeter' over being in the spotlight. In other words: Let others have their fun at the center of things... and left to my own devices... I will do my best to ensure their fun is not disrupted by any outside (or when required internal) forces.

So, knowing that about myself I was incredibly relieved when someone else stepped up to help in the Homesteading community and become a much needed administrator. Kudos to you, much appreciation and thank you for filling the void that would have been incredibly uncomfortable for me to try to fill myself.

What I was getting at is that this community was actually founded when communities themselves were first launched as a beta feature... and it may well be one of the first handfuls of communities (excluding Tribes) to be created. There was a heck of a lot of 'name squatting' (people just making community accounts that might prove valuable later) but for me personally I just wanted to create a space for folks to be themselves and share their experiences.

By and large I think that goal was achieved (and consolidated) with the advent of the previously mentioned administrator and of course our rather 'benevolent' curator team. I hope that is not too strong of a word to use but it seems to fit... so please do not read too much into it... and understand that without their contribution this community would still be floundering along.

For my part I have thrown whatever Hive Power delegations that I can at it... and to the best of my recollection (unless it was to make the badge account) I have never spent any of the meager rewards the community account itself has garnered. I am not saying that will always be the case... but unless it starts having some kind of ridiculous wealth that I can somehow redistribute to members, the administrators, moderators and maybe to myself... that will not change... and yeah it was never a part of the plan... so go figure.

In other words (in my mind) knowledge is the heart of this community... not money... and while no that does not make us all have a better quality of life via monetary gain... it makes me sleep well at night knowing that the monetary aspect of things... is going to those willing to participate in sharing said knowledge. I know I do not engage much... but whoa it took an incredible amount of prodding from others just to make me get out of my comfort zone... and begin sharing my entries here rather than just to my personal blog.

It is difficult to explain the why of that... but I just enjoy the freedom of putting whatever I want in these entries... without being overly concerned about 'staying on topic' or reflecting poorly on the community itself when I get 'fired up' about one thing or another... as I am wont to do. Believe me I know what it looks like when I get fired up, I feel your pain and yeah I really dislike deviating off topic... or otherwise saying things that might somehow tarnish others in one way, shape, form or another.

Unless of course I am intentionally saying it, they deserve it and by all accounts they have somehow 'earned' either my ire or criticism... but that is wholly a different affair and not what I am talking about. Being someone that believes that 'naming and shaming' folks works I know the measure of it, administer it knowing full well what I am doing... and often temper it... or otherwise exercise restraint when it is called for... but I never actually enjoy having to do it.

Anyways, I began this entry hoping to share some of my recent insights into a few things and what my goals are going into this next year... but somehow I have managed to do anything but that... so bear with me. Also, I am now two hours and thirty-six minutes into writing this... so if I was at a real job (just to make a comparison to what I was saying earlier about earnings) I would have already made (at 7.25 USD minimum wage) roughly eighteen dollars in USD... which honestly is about half of what I can reasonably extract from my total earnings each month on here without performing a Power Down.

Again, that is just an observation and not a gripe... but I am sure that some folks will take it as a complaint regardless of my disclaimer that it is not. Sometimes the truth just hurts... and when it does I tend to examine why it hurts... and how I can align my internal compass better so that the truth soothes me instead... but hey I am nothing if not odd... and I know that most folks lack the constitution to endeavor upon such introspection... and even fewer lack the motivation to follow through with some good ole course correction.

A few days ago I had this rather wild dream (the one that I mention in that latest Something Different entry) and in the dream I was surrounded by all these folks that I knew... from both Hive and from my non-digital life. At first I was really stoked to see everyone... and although I would by no means call them all friends (because hell I do not even call all my friends... friends) but for the most part I would say they were either allies or folks that I thought well of and leave it at that.

I swear that one brief moment of the dream was the only truly sane part of it... because almost as one the entirety of the group turned on me with some serious viciousness and nothing in their eyes but malicious intent. They also did it in such a way... that whilst doing it they sort of mocked me for thinking we were 'friends' (or allies, or whatever) to start with... which yeah even in the dream hurt my heart a good bit.

Although I am over simplifying it all... it was like I was finally seeing something that I should have seen all along... and only my ability (willingness) to look beyond folks shortcomings (as human beings) is what had landed me in the position where I was surrounded by such folks to start with. In other words even in the frenzy of it all... I acknowledged my own responsibility in it for making the choices that I had made... which landed me in the position that I found myself.

Once I was up and about for the day (after the dream was over) some things about it really stuck out to me... and it was as if my conscious mind was reconciling itself with what my subconscious had been screaming at me to notice all along. Considering that the barrier between my waking and dreaming mind is slim at best... I gave my full attention to what both were telling me... and instead of writing it off like I usually would... I began asking myself some hard questions instead.

Many of the answers that I reached (to those unsaid questions) should be self-evident to those who have been paying attention... and for everyone else who is not paying attention... I will not be recapping them here. What I will say though, is that it was like being struck by lightning (so to speak) and something in me sort of snapped as all the proverbial 'pieces' fell into place.

To be clear here, I have not examined too closely exactly what 'snapped' inside me (because it is irrelevant to forward progress) but if I had to sum it up in a single word... I would say it was my tolerance. For folks that actually know me they know I have quite the tolerance for all kinds of stuff... up to but not limited to... some quirky (occasionally problematic) behaviors of other humans. In short there is great value in having the capacity to: Meet others at their level... and just accept them... as long as they have a good heart... and if they happen to have a willingness to speak their personal truth... all the better.

The thing is though, that last sentence did not apply to many of the folks that I was dreaming about and know in the capacities that I alluded to earlier. Please do not get me wrong here and think that I am merely being judgmental or some horseshit like that... because I am an avid advocate of showing some damned discernment when it comes to folks... and I tend to save any judgment for when all else has failed.

All that said, I made a decision that going forward into this next year... that I would no longer 'go along to get along' and if my efforts have so little value... that I have to continue to scrape by... barely covering my extremely basic needs each month... hoping nothing untoward happens along the way... that I should just do something entirely different with my life. What that means and what that 'different thing' is I have no idea... but as things stand it just is not worthwhile for me to continue on as is.

Aside from that, the other major commitment that I made to myself was to eliminate from my life... anyone and everyone... who is not sincere when it comes to friendship, fellowship, camaraderie... or just working together towards some 'common good' no matter what form that might take. In other words that aforementioned 'tolerance' is to remain broken... and come hell or high water things just have to change.

Once again, please do not get it all twisted... because I have only myself to blame for buying into the whole 'post, earn, share' thing thinking that as long as I applied myself, was patient and just kept at it... that my life would eventually improve. All of which is not to say that my life has not improved... because it has... but only if I look at it through the most honest lens possible... and acknowledge that it has marginally improved... by what amounts to what we in the west tend to call: slave labor. By that I simply mean... putting in tons of effort... that is incredibly disproportionate to the return... usually doled out by some greedy boss or jackass chief executive officer.

I hate to be the one to break it to folks but unless the earnings on Hive can (at the barest minimum) reach two dollars USD an hour (which is what most wait staff make excluding tips) then Hive has no future. At least not in the 'west' because that is the lowest bar folks will measure it with... and to be frank most folks would measure it by that seven twenty-five minimum wage that I mentioned earlier in this entry.

I am not saying that the earnings should be that... nor am I complaining that they are not that... but seriously consider what is being offered here monetarily speaking. Furthermore ask yourself would you put up with the horseshit... that all content creators on here face... that are not in the circle-jerk club... for what amounts to less than 'pocket change' for your average minimum wage worker. You can lie to me about that answer but in all sincerity please do not lie to yourself about it.

It is now nine o'clock in the evening and I have been at this for four hours now... still have more to say/type... and have yet to get on with the arduous tasks of finding a decent picture (that I took today) edit and compress the picture, edit and proofread all these words... and construct and make the actual post. All of which (if I stop right now) will take another hour or so to complete... so if you called it five hours at minimum wage... it would be thirty-six dollars and twenty-five cents in USD... which yup is just about what I actually make (and can easily extract) each month on here... in total.

Again, no gripes... just stone cold observations presented to you in a fashion that I hope is digestible... even if they may not be all that palatable. If I was here for the 'money' I would have packed it in long ago... given many of you my middle finger on the way out the door... and told anyone I encountered afterwards that although it might not exactly be a scam... it damn sure is not worth anyone's time.

Obviously, that is not what I have done... but I would not say that there are many folks on here (or not on here) that would have put up with the amount of horseshit that I have over the years whilst continually going to bat for the Hive community. Call me foolish if it makes it easier to swallow for you... but I believe in the technology, I believe in the community and I believe that in one way shape form or another... this is the model of social media and albeit finance's future. Love it or hate it... it unequivocally is what it is... nothing more... nothing less.

Well, that seems like a good note to end this entry on... and while I definitely had more that I wanted to put in this entry... I have already gone above and beyond my usual attempt to pair my 'time invested' to my potential earnings... which yup is another one of those 'new year commitments' that I have solidified within my often peculiar psyche.

I sincerely hope that folks are doing well, are safe, have enough to eat, have something decent to drink and are staying either warm or cool depending on their circumstances. Please remember that... all fairy tales have a happy ending... and that when life throws rocks at you... it might be time to build a stone house.

Be well.

It was a pretty, yet very cold and windy day!

Thanks for reading!
All content found in this post is mine!