Love - In the end, we have nothing to lose by opening our hearts

I had always been the one who looked at lovers and sneered. It wasn't out of jealousy though; I just couldn't understand why they were usually so intrigued by each other.

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It was annoying. I saw most of it as pretense, I was only fascinated by how good they were at acting.

For some reason, I didn't get butterflies in my belly like other girls said they did. None of the words guys had spoken could cause my lips to relax in a heartwarming smile, I wasn't even thinking about any of them like my friends said they thought about their crush.

After a while, guys stopped coming to me. I didn't see anything wrong with that even when my friends kept singing to me that if I didn't feel anything for any guy soon, I might not get married in the future.

Who cared about getting married anyway?

So when Ebuka moved into my neighborhood from Cameroon, I wasn't one of the girls who ogled over him. We ran into each other in the library where I had gone to rent a novel. I recognized him immediately, the young man the entire young ladies in the community couldn't stop talking about. I looked at him closely now that we were within the same range. There was nothing spectacular about his pointed nose and slim eyes. I almost hissed as I turned my head back to the librarian.

“Good morning Agatha” she flashed a smile at me and wiggled her eyebrows. I raised my shoulders in a nonverbal “what?”

“I saw you stare at that Halfcast,” she whispered into my ears after indicating that I should lean towards her. I rolled my eyes at her, then thrust my card into her hands.

“Do your job” I said in response, signing for the book I had come to return.

He sat across the window, eyes concentrated on a Hardy Chase novel. It was one I had read over and over so I scoffed.

“Old school” I grunted as I walked past him, a Francine Rivers book in hand. He didn't so much as look up at me. For some reason that felt insulting because I was used to having lingering stares when I walked past young guys. I took the seat opposite him, ensuring there was enough space between us before settling down with my novel.

Francine Rivers got my attention the minute I turned the first page. I had completely forgotten that there was someone in front of me and only paid attention to the words Francine was painting in my heart. When I heard his chair scrape the floor, I raised my head subconsciously, and then, it seemed like it happened; That strike from Cupid's arrow that every other girl had claimed to experience.

I don't know if it came from the fire I saw in his eyes when they met mine, or if it came from the smile he flashed at me when he rose and turned his back to walk away, all I know is that my heart was thudding in my chest, and my vision became blurry for a second.

I allowed him to leave first before I scrambled from my chair and rushed over to return the book to its place on the shelf. That entire week, I avoided the library just in case there was suddenly something repulsive to my system there.

Not like it changed anything.

Three weeks later, we met again in the queue in the library. I don't remember how we got into a conversation but before the end of that day, we were giggling at the corner of the library. We didn't read a single word that day.

We came to the library every day after that just to meet with each other even though we never said so. Surprisingly, we loved every book in common, this gave us more reason to meet and talk. Sometimes, we walked home together just to talk about a novel we read before.

I was too embarrassed to tell my friends about Ebuka, so when we saw it in public, we didn't speak to each other. Just exchanged knowing glances and smiles only we could see.

Six weeks later just before he moved back to Cameroon, he handed a bracelet over to me.

“I'm your boyfriend now. I'll come back to Nigeria for you” he said as he placed it on my wrist. I held on to that bracelet for six years before convincing myself that I would never see him again.

As I think about it now, I realize that Ebuka and I couldn't have been together; He was only meant to open my heart to finding love because it was after I met him, I agreed to be in my first relationship.