Addiction - We are what we repeatedly do

“If I continue to look into those pair of gray eyes, I'm never going to say goodbye”

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Van had tears in her deep blue eyes as she said so to Diane who was checking the small pink box to see if Van had forgotten anything.

“Where's your toothpaste?” She asked suddenly.

“It's in the carry-on,” Van said dully. “Are you even listening to me about Kris?”

It was then Diane whirled to look at her.

“You willing to do this or not?”

Vanessa turned away so Diane wouldn't see that she was tearing up.

“You know I've longed for 5 years for this. I want to do it, but I don't want to. I know I have to do it either way but Kris, what if he finds someone……” Diane humphed and went up to hold her close.

“Van, Kris is an adult. He knows what's best for you, for the both of you. You're going to be okay”. Van sniffed and nodded then broke into a full-fledged sob.

She needed to see Kris before she left. Saying goodbye over the phone was not a nice gesture to show after 16 years with someone.

She met Kris when she was 12. Her aunt Maggie took her to church for the first time but she was not very pleased with that.

She didn't listen to a word the preacher said, but when it was time to sing the worship hymns, someone caught her attention.

His gray eyes seemed to twinkle, or was it his starched, white shirt? She watched his every move. From the choir stand to the keyboard, when his slender fingers gripped the mic placed just behind his keyboard, she held her breath.

She knew it would be beautiful before he started singing. A couple of white handkerchiefs went out of bags and straight to dab at tearing eyes. Van was awestruck, did an angel escape from heaven to attend Aunt Maggie's church?

She went to church every Sunday from then. When she heard that the church keepers went to church on the same day the choir rehearsed, she joined the keepers. After all, what harm could dusting chairs in the house of God do?

Her grandmother was pleased with this new habit Van had picked up from Aunt Maggie. It was like she was obsessed with God, within 6 months, she became an ardent follower. Attending all church conventions.

It was during one of such conventions that she finally got a chance to speak with Kris.

Even when they knew that they both liked each other, they didn't say it. It seemed like they were waiting for the right time. And so years passed, Van went to college and Kris went off to music school. It was at college that Van picked up another habit; One that was threatening to destroy her life.

Vanessa lost her parents when she was 3. This unfortunate incident caused her to wallow in depression over the years. She didn't have normal training like other kids, she was home-schooled by her aged grandmother who ended up sleeping off on her during most of the classes.

She found it difficult to relate with other children her age. Kris and her cousin, Diane made it easier for her when her grandmother died, but at college, it seemed she was starting over. Plus she was always being bullied by some nasty, rich girls who addressed her as “Truck” instead of “Van”.

One night at a club and several marijuana sticks later, Vanessa could look those girls in the eyes and tell them off. Even she didn't know what had come over her.

When she saw how audacious those hard drugs made her, she dived in with her spirit, body, and soul, just like she dived into church when she found Kris.

Now, she was an eyesore. When she returned from college and ran off to see Kris, he turned away from her and wept.

Kris and Diane sat down to organize a withdrawal plan for her, she had to go to Aunt Maggie's house for a month where she was less likely to find smoke and more likely to find God.

But she didn't want to leave Kris again, as she looked into his eyes after sneaking over to his house, she held his hands under that pine tree,

“Promise me that if I get better and come home, you will marry me” he laughed, gray eyes twinkling.

“You like to get ahead of yourself, Van. I was going to ask you tonight”

She opened her mouth in disbelief at the diamond ring that stared back at her.

“Yes! Yes!” She screamed as it slid into her finger.

What more could accompany her on a journey that promised to be difficult before she even left?