The Worst and Saddest Weekend I Want To Forget

"No one feels the other's sorrow, nobody understands the other's joy. People imagine that they can understand each other. In reality, they just pass each other." - Franz Schubert

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In life there are many moments present. Happiness, sadness and failure come and go like a wheel that is always turning. But, how humans can rise to live it is a separate thing. Many of us, get stuck in sadness and forget that many things make us happy. Sad and Happy in our life is our own responsibility.

This time I want to thank @galenkp, after seeing Weekend-Engagement Topic 75: The Weekend Week, I want to share the story of the worst weekend and I want to erase from my memory, the day we lost our baby for the second time in end of 2018. Maybe, after writing and thinking back about it, I can be sincere and steadfast.

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November 29, 2018

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At that time, I went to see our coffee plantation in Sipirok, South Tapanuli Regency. The distance between Medan and Sipirok is about 8 hours by car. This was my regular job at that time, I was also forced to leave my wife who was at five months pregnant at home. Before leaving the city, I took my wife for a check-up to the obstetrician so that my trip was more calm.

This is my wife's second pregnancy, during the first pregnancy in 2017 we had a miscarriage because at that time my wife was tired because she was still working in the company and often went up and down stairs. In my second pregnancy, I was very protective of her and my wife just stayed at home.

In the afternoon, while in the coffee plantation, I got a call from my mother. My mother said if my wife suddenly dropped her condition and is now being taken to the hospital. I was very panicked and decided to go straight home but at that time, the bus bound for Medan had just left at eight o'clock at night. I also have to wait and always pray that the bad possibility does not happen.

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November 30, 2018

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I didn't go home, but went straight to the hospital. I arrived in the early hours of the morning, around 4 am, I got off at the crossroads and couldn't find a transport to go to the hospital. Finally, I walked for about 2 km in silence and the cold weather at that time, only the street lamps were lighting the road and I always prayed, I hope nothing fatal happens to my wife.

When I arrived at the hospital, I saw my wife was sleeping and my mother was also there. I immediately met dr. Sukhbir Singh, SPOG, obstetrician who examined my wife, and asked about her condition. He told me, that you have to be sincere because the position of the baby in the womb will fall (miscarriage), the medical language is Cervical Incompetence. Cervical incompetence is the inability of the uterus or cervix to hold the baby's weight at a certain weight.

This symptom has actually been warned by dr. Sukhbir when we first talked about the first miscarriage, and offered to do a cervical cerclage/circlase treatment when the baby fell out of position. But, because until 20 weeks of pregnancy normal conditions, we did not do it.

In the morning, I hugged my wife and I cried at that time, because I felt like a stupid husband and couldn't do anything. My wife was very strong at that time, she stroked my head and said “this is God's will, and maybe the best way”. Then on Friday, we waited for the premature birth. We were silent a lot at that time, could not imagine we were a young family and had to go through two miscarriages.

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December 1, 2018

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Saturday morning, this is a sad and unforgettable event in my life. In contrast to the first miscarriage that took place quickly and spontaneously. This second miscarriage was slow, and very excruciating. My wife has been in the hospital since Friday morning and only felt contractions on Saturday morning at one in the morning.

You can imagine how we felt at that time, waiting to witness the death of our child. I didn't sleep at the time and I probably didn't sleep for 24 hours. Exactly three o'clock in the morning, my wife had started to feel like giving birth and had ruptured her membranes. Doctor Sukhbir was ready by then, as his house and hospital were not too far away.

I continued to hold my wife's hand and look into her eyes. I was the one in charge at the time, and I couldn't bear to see my wife in pain. I wanted so badly to transfer that pain to me. At that time, my wife had to be sedated for a curettage so that Dr Sukhbir could take the baby out. When the five-month-old baby was born, I could see him breathing for a few seconds before he died. In my eyes at that time it was a very handsome baby boy, all his limbs grew normally but God's will said he had to be born at that time.

During the day, my wife is still hospitalized, but I have to go home to carry out my son's funeral procession. I was helped by my family to carry out the funeral, I buried my child in the grave of my grandfather, or maybe my great-grandfather.

This tragedy is the worst weekend experience that I want to forget but impossible to forget, because birth is one thing to look forward to but parting with death is something we don't want to experience. One thing is for sure when rewriting and imagining this experience, my tears fell and I don't want this incident to be repeated by me and my wife in the future.

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