Dealing with mental health

Hi, guys!

I’m unlikely to say anything good today. The fact is that while I had a lot of sports activities, I was in some kind of dopamine loop, and this process of constant and hard training kept my mood at a relatively stable level. And now, apparently, all the accumulated effect has ended, and for the second day I feel just awful, sinking deeper and deeper into the seasonal exacerbation.

Sometimes I am asked why I speak so calmly and freely about my mental health problems. I believe that this should not be something shameful, something that you have to hide with all your might. People with mental problems are first of all people, and then carriers of some kind of diagnosis. Now it’s crazy to think that it’s a shame to say such things.

Therefore, I share my course in my blogs, and tell how I cope with what does not depend on me. Disorders related to major psychiatry (there are only three of them: schizophrenia, epilepsy, and manic-depressive psychosis) are among the most severe, and they always come from the inside, not from the outside. A person may experience depression due to some external factors, but in the case of these three disorders, the reason is always inside, in the pathologies of the brain.

I signed up for an MRI of the brain tonight. I should have done this a long time ago, but now it is impossible to postpone, too many problems have accumulated. In addition, my shoulder still hurts with certain movements, and I want to have an MRI and an MRI of the shoulder joint, too, to make sure that it just hasn't completely gone away, and not there are some more serious problems after my fall and a serious trauma in aerial gymnastics.

It's great that we have an MRI center that works at night. First, at night I usually feel more active, it is easier for me to interact with the world, and secondly, it is more convenient. It is quite far from our house, and if you drive at night there is an opportunity not to get caught in traffic jams.

I really hope that everything is in order with the shoulder. The fact that there are problems with the brain is too obvious to hope that everything is fine there. So I hope it's not too bad at least.

I add my photos to this post. For some reason, I wanted to see how I have changed over the past 10 years. You are looking at this process backwards.

Today I already imagine how, before the MRI procedure, I will have to first remove all piercings and jewelry. I have very, very many of them, and they are always worn on me, I do not take them off. And the MRI will have to be removed. Oh, it will be difficult. And it's hard to put it all back on afterwards. This is the only reason why I do not like this procedure. I don't have claustrophobia, so it's even funny for me in the apparatus itself, I have never asked the doctors to release me from it ahead of time.

By the way, this photo was taken at a time when I was having especially serious mental health problems. Plus, I went to a terrible doctor who messed up the treatment regimen a lot, and eventually I then had very serious problems with the endocrine system, which I still correct, although several years have passed.

It seems to me that this publication is already getting too long, but I still want to bring to a logical conclusion the thought that I voiced at the very beginning.

I believed that my athletic activities were a major support for my mental health, and, as it turned out, in the end, this was indeed the case. I'm confused now. I could return to some of them even with a sore shoulder, because not everyone uses it rudely, but I cannot return anyway because of the red quarantine zone. This is a real problem, because I still cannot use the freed up time productively, since my mental state has become much worse.

There are only two photos left, and in them I was almost ten years ago. I must say that I liked myself then and I like myself now. Perhaps the only thing I have no problem with is visual self-acceptance. And it's nice. Although, of course, they were at that moment, which I described above, when my mental health was literally at zero.

See you in the next post!
Love, Inber