Spending Outrageously For Wedding Ceremony.
There are a lot of things I think people make a fuss about that they can actually do more simply. I have thought about this several times and all I see in most cases is people trying to gain popularity or beat someone's else celebration which is pointless to me especially when it comes to a wedding ceremony. I don't know if this is happening just in my part of the world but the way people spend on wedding ceremony sometimes make me wonder if the money spent on the ceremony will determine the level of love and happiness the couples will experience.
I am very sure it is not because I have experienced a wedding ceremony that ended before the first anniversary due to infidelity despite spending so much on it.
"It only happens once, the celebration has to be in grand style"
That's the common lie people tell to justify themselves when the topic is raised and I don't have any issue with people who truly have the money to spend outrageously, my major concern is about those who run into debt just to match the trend or be on headline of different wedding blogs.
Whenever I speak about these things, people are very quick to call me old school or stingy guy which am I used to hearing but it doesn't change my view about spending outrageously for a wedding ceremony.
Marriage is one of the celebrations people can do more simply but many embrace the outrageous celebration just because it is a trend. The celebrants don't restrict their outrageous spending to themselves and many of them even drag their guests into it. They start with the guest wedding clothes popular known as Aso-Ebi, a lot of people have turned this into a competition while some use it to extort money from their guests.
It's a beautiful thing for guests to look glamorous at a wedding ceremony but that should be at the guest's comfort. Imposing a particular dress that can only be bought from the celebrant is an overdo for me. I don't care about what my relationship with someone is, once you are inconsiderable with your wedding guest, I am definitely not attending because a celebration should be fun and not stressful, if I can't go with something I am comfortable with then there is practically no need for me to attend.
Sometimes last year, my friend's youngest sister was getting married. The party cloth was sold for $45 and the cap for $5.5, all that doesn't include the sewing fee of about $15 and the cost of transportation to the event is something else since I have to travel out of my state. After doing my calculations, I needed over $100 just to attend the party so I made up my mind not to attend and would just send a gift but my friend was really mad at me. He stopped communicating with me and I just let him be after explaining to him that with my situation, it would be unreasonable for me to spend such just to attend your sister's wedding ceremony.
There was a time when Aso Ebi used to be between $5 - $10 and I don't know what changed. All of a sudden, Aso Ebi turned in priorities for wedding ceremonies and in some cases, it is your pass into the event premises. Forcing the clothes on guests doesn't make sense, I would rather not attend. After all, I am not the one joining the couple so whether I am there or not doesn't matter.
The Aso Ebi syndrome has gone beyond just for weddings, people now choose a compulsory outfit for birthdays and even child dedication ceremonies. Someone once told me that Aso-Ebi is not compulsory and anyone can attend an event without it which should be true but it isn't because there is always this negative attention standing out draws to someone who isn't wearing the Aso-Ebi for the event.
I am sorry if I deviated too much and my point remains that spending outrageously as the celebrant or guest isn't necessary. Yes, it is a once in a lifetime thing but it doesn't guarantee a happy life after the wedding. For those who dress to kill at the event, no one will remember what you look like after the party except they see videos or pictures so why do I have to go beyond my capacity just for a day?
You don't have a stable business, you live in a rented apartment and you are thinking of spending outrageously, it will only end in regrets when the bills start trooping in after the wedding ceremony. One thing I tell people is that, what happens after the wedding ceremony concerns nobody. People will eat, drink and dance with you but that's all, whatever happens after will be yours to handle.
I know a couple in my area, the husband died earlier this year and I was close to the man when he was alive. We were chatting one evening when he told me how to build the only house he had. The man and his friend made a huge sum of money in their thirties, it happened to be the time he was planning for his marriage but instead of spending outrageously, he stuck to his former plan.
His friend on the other hand wasn't planning marriage but because of the money, he started as well. During the preparation, someone told them about some lands that were available for sale.
This man bought two plots of land while his friend didn't, everything on his mind was how to make his wedding the talk of the town and it happened like that but till today, he still lives in a rented apartment.
The one who bought the land has built two houses, it wasn't easy but he did it bit by bit till he completed the house. The land has appreciated in value and if his family decide to sell one today, it's enough for them to set up a huge business to cater for themselves now that the man is dead.
Imagine was life would look like for his family if house rent was part of their challenge after he died.
Sometimes, we just have to think. What would life look like after the outrageous spending?
Following the trend, impressing others and whatever reason for the outrageous spending wouldn't matter after. It's just a day celebration, the real deal should be how to spend the years together comfortably in happiness and love.
In my case, as long as the purpose of the celebration has been fulfilled and my guests are well entertained, I am contented. I can use my money to secure my children's future by investing in real estate or anything.
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I also feel that spending too much money is a waste of money which has no benefit. A wedding means a huge loss for both a long and short time. I think because of this, weddings in recent times become difficult and one feels afraid of weddings thinking about the huge cost of assets. I also have a similar kind of mentality in this case.
Seriously, a lot of guys aren't thinking of marriage anymore because of the spending. It's really unreasonable to spend outrageously just for the day and get into a financial crisis.
I found myself in wedding-extravagance-traps in my younger days. I was often assigned bridesmaid, and then somewhere along, expenses started to accumulate for specifics for the wedding party that I would never have done for myself.
None of those marriages that I was forced to spend exuberant amounts of money on are still functional.
I was particularly disgusted by a family member who went around the town in a convertible limousine, only to discover that he wanted all his other lovers to see him... and in a short time after the wedding, he got arrested for assaulting his wife. Her response was that at least she got the diamond ring. Eventually, they could not live together because everything deteriorated.
It's not only in your culture; It happens a lot with Indian families where they acquire big debts just to outdo others.
All that is total madness if you ask me 😏
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I enjoyed it 😉
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Being assigned as a bridesmaid or groomsman doesn't come cheap anymore and before one knows it, you have participated in 3 weddings in a year.
I got the duty ones but didn't show up because we needed to buy a specific suit, a traditional wear and another casual for after party. I backed out immediately and was sidelined by majority of my friends.
It's okay because I don't make many like them, we don't talk about growth except at parties so cutting ties wasn't a bad option for me.
Spending outrageously doesn't mean the wedding will be a blessed one so why waste so much money? The convertible limo story got me laughing, I can tell how pissed you were when you got to know everything.
I agree. I think it's pointless spending outrageously for something that can be help simple yet memorable. The sa goes with bdays especially debuts.
That's right people go all out spending on events that can just go moderately and creating a future and problem just for a day is not worth it.
I do have dreams about @zakludick and I having a special day/evening, but it doesn't need to cost the earth. We do want to celebrate our love with our nearest and dearest but there's no reason to bankrupt ones self. Then you have to wonder if the bride and groom are doing it to celebrate their love or to impress everyone else?
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This is an interesting read, people place so much effort on the party itself forgetting that your guests can never be satisfied with whatever you do no matter what, There are different categories of guests, the ones who come to check if your spouse is handsome or beautiful, tall or short, so that they can have something to talk about.
Those who come to check the worth of your outfits, hall, decor and food and the ones who complain your rice is never sweet and they never ate even though they stole three plates of rice, are they the same people you'll try to impress?
For me oh, there's no crime in having a very minimal wedding and making sure your guests are well fed than inviting the whole world and suffering a few months into marriage.
I have had many friends cut off ties with me simply because I didn't buy their asoebi, me that I don't even like wearing uniforms with people 😃😃 then The price alone is another thing, well different strokes for different folks.
The categories of people you mention are very correct and honestly, draining oneself for the sake of a party isn't worth it.
Imagine buying such and expensive clothes and not having to wear them for a long time because I barely attend parties. It's just unreasonable to me and those who are doing it have their reasons.
Weddings have become an extravagant occasion, people see it as an opportunity to make money and also waste money whilst many do not know the true essence of weddings.
When asked, what your ideal wedding will look like? you will hear a lot of people talking about the materialistic aspect of it , or you will hear something like "I want the world to know that I am getting married", they just want to show off. For me all these are not necessary, after all, the most expensive wedding in the world lasted only for a day and it was over. They just wasted a lot of money.
You are right, a lot of people do not even remember the main purpose of the wedding and they just want the world to know that celebrated something.
Draining oneself because of a day party is a waste of resource for me.
Exactly.
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You are very correct and I also mentioned this this too in my post. Many waste money on wedding as if money grows on trees. A driver told me that the last person he drove for, during his son's wedding he bought one wine for four million naira. Just imagine the waste and the heartache people go through worrying of how to impress others. Choosing a simple way of life is the best