Hello to my dear friends of the @holos-lotus community and Hive in general and everyone who reads us outside Hive. It is a pleasure for me to greet you in this opportunity in another edition of your column "In Anti-Depression Mode".

One of the questions I always get asked when they find out I suffered from depression, is.

"Why did you fall into depression, what led to it?"

And it's a logical, understandable question. It makes one curious to know why a person falls into a state of deep sadness and cries about everything, gets discouraged, sees everything dark, doesn't leave the house and even thinks about death or tries to take his own life. We cannot understand how a person can fall into such a pitiful and limiting state.

I was diagnosed in 2003 with Major Depressive Syndrome with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. For many years I had no answer to the question that adorns the title of this publication. Every time I was asked, I could only manage to say: "I don't know", "it seems to be a genetic issue or something wrong with my brain". The truth, I was not so wrong, because in fact depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain as a result of your neurons are not making a correct synapse and the neurotransmitters are not regulating your mood properly; dopamine, serotonin and noradrenaline are not working as they should and that is why your body declines, your emotions are altered especially for bad, down, that is to say, they become depressed.

And I take the opportunity to mention other causes that can provoke a depression:

• Factors of biochemical origin.
• There are psychological factors or factors related to the personality that can also predispose to depression.
• Triggering events or unresolved problems: trauma, bereavement, unemployment, loneliness, changes in lifestyle or problems in interpersonal relationships. Also chronic pain or organic injuries.
• Having suffered depression in the past.
• History in the family of depressed people.
• Conflicting situations in the environment (for example, at work, family or other contexts).
• Having suffered physical or psychological trauma.
• Some medications that are used for other illnesses (you can consult with your doctor).
• Alcohol abuse or drug use.
• After childbirth, some women may feel more vulnerable to depression. This is known as "postpartum depression".

But we continue with the question at hand.

"Why did I fall into depression?"Several of the psychiatrists and psychologists I visited were not sure what the cause of my depressive disorder was. It was the last doctor who treated me, in 2014 who ventured to indicate to me that most likely growing up without a father influenced my perception of life, shaped my emotional framework and caused a sense of existential emptiness, leading me to develop depression.

I did not agree with that diagnosis. Something told me there was another reason. And I discovered it over the years, maybe too late for my taste, but I did, I discovered it and that's the important thing and since then my depression was disappearing, so to speak. Actually what happened is that by knowing the reason for my depression, I was able to attack the cause from the root (from the inside).

I once read a book that I always recommend called "The Three Steps", by Arnie Warren, where the author deals with the subject of work passion. That topic led me to know the term ikigai or life purpose and that is where the enlightenment happened: I was frustrated (something I had known for a long time) because I was not living my purpose, I was not flowing or doing what I liked, what I believed I was called to do and be. That generated a non-conformity the size of Everest and made me feel that living was the worst thing that could happen to me. I thought and felt that nothing was worthwhile, that there was no reason to get up every morning. Feeling overwhelmed by this feeling, my levels of sadness, apathy, fear, anger and helplessness skyrocketed causing me a limiting depression that affected almost every aspect of my life: work, academic, family, couple, social and economic.

The answer then to the question Why did I fall into depression is?

Frustration for not knowing my life purpose and not living based on it. But also, I have a personality with a tendency to depression, my family: grandmother, dad, mom, sister, have suffered from this disease. So it was internal and external factors that led me to fall into the dark pit of clinical depression.

Why am I sharing all this with you? Because you may be going through something like this or a family member or friend and my testimony can guide you to help them. Also so that we understand that there is not always a chemical reason, and in contrast, an external or internal event can provoke strong and limiting depressions. Lastly, I share this with you so that we try to find our ikigai as not knowing or living based on our life purpose, can make us unhappy, you may not succumb to depression like me, but it may be causing frustration that you don't know where it comes from. I just hope this can encourage you to learn more about this topic.

Another time I will be sharing with you a post on what ikigai is and how we can discover it and live by it.

Thank you for your attentive reading. For commenting and sharing this post with others.

_{Translated with www.deepl.com/translator (free version)}

@garybilbao

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