After The Celebration

I don't know why I am writing this here but I guess it's just for memory's sake so I don't get to forget how my year 2022 birthday which happened to be yesterday May 24th took place.

It's my first time not waking up on the day of my birthday and not feeling any happiness about the whole birthday stuff, instead, I felt lonely and empty, and to worsen the whole matter, a day before my birthday I fell so sick that I could not move throughout the whole day.

This is the first time, I wasn't looking forward to whatever was going to happen on that day even though I had to put up a smile and put up with people asking me how it was going to do and going with the flow, I knew deep that I wasn't myself and wasn't happy about the whole birthday stuff.

I was locked indoors until my mom came back to help me, just a little stomach pain that started in the morning and me stooling the whole morning lasted throughout the whole day until the night that I could not walk properly throughout the whole day.

Waking up, I felt no happiness, I felt empty, I felt lonely, while everyone was calling to wish me happy birthday, I did not feel I was ready for the next big phase of my life I was about to walk into and it didn't feel I had anything to celebrate about the new age I was adding to my years.

To some extent, I wished nobody knew about the whole birthday stuff, so I don't get to hear people wish me a happy birthday but there was nothing I could do about it.

I did not know why I felt that way even though I do not go all big about my birthday but I always got this happiness deep down when it was my birthday but this time it was different. I felt alone amid people like I always felt when I was young even when I was in the midst of my family.

I did not know why I felt that way but I knew one of the reasons I was down was because I was still hurt about what transpired between me and a few people close to me over the past three months which had caused a strain on our relationship.

I did not hate them or felt bitter towards them because over the years I have learned that we can not stop people from behaving the way they wished to behave towards us but I was hurt and continued to flog myself about how I let them say what they said to me. I blamed myself for every word they said to me and that killed me even more.

I could not blame them for what they did because I loved them so much, instead, I blamed myself for everything that happened as a result, I lost the inspiration to write out my heart on every post and lost interest in everything.

I decided to reach out to them because I needed the closure and after reaching out to them, we talked for length, and I realized I was better than how I had started the day.

I was able to move around with the smile on my face that I have missed for a while and that is why I am here still using this medium to wish myself a happy fruitful years ahead.