welcome back sadness, welcome back depression

ah who am i kidding, depression never left. its almost like a shadow these days.
i used to post about it, if nothing else, just to clear my chest. get it out so it couldnt eat at me from the inside
(https://ecency.com/depression/@dunstuff/depression-log-40-1-4)
but when u pour out your heart ... for 2 votes ... one of them being you ...
seems pointless.
granted, i get that 'this isnt facebook, here u can get free magic internet money'
that may be true ...
but at least on facebook u get comments of sympathy and shit.
but i digress...

It was a shock. i hate that regret u have after a loved one has died - i been meaning to visit the past 2 years, but lockdowns . . .
only 2 left ...
me and the aunty...
whom still has her back up and wont take my calls, all because i hadnt heard from her in 20 odd years, and the first time i did, it was a semi abusive call, asking why i hadnt visited my mum ( gone 5 years now, still troubles my dreams )
... yet she hadnt been around for 20+ ...
i ...

nope ... i just cant ....
tears well, and typing becomes impossible.