HOW I LOST MY VIRGINITY
I was pure and innocent. A young boy of 14yrs. I wouldn't say I was a smart lad because I made so many stupid decisions in those times I could swear that someone swapped my grey matter for coconut jelly.
My school was the kind that closed at 5pm everyday, Tuesdays and Thursdays were the days we were meant to spend one hour before doing sports before going home. So, school activities would close at 4pm and we would be ushered to the field where we would be engaged in sports, whatever kind that rocked your boat, until 5pm. Some students, especially the boys that loved football stayed till dusk.
I lived at a distance that was insane from school. it took at least 1hr for me to get to school everyday, and another one hour to get back. One day, I decided to join the guys playing football to play, and before I knew it, dusk was knocking.
That was just the beginning. I had already used half of my transport fare to buy sugarcane from one of those hausa boys. So If I had any chance of getting home, I had to walk half the distance before I could get a cab to take me to a good distance, from where I could easily walk back home.
That was one stupid decision I made. But I could argue that I was only a kid, behaving like one. And one thing that I got to enjoy as a kid was nick names. I saw a lot of Nigerian movies where boys were given nick names by the colleagues... especially those boys that meet at night wearing black and red sometimes with sun glasses. They are those guys that drive the latest cars but have little or no sleep. If you watch Nollywood, then you already know the category of people I am talking about
Those nick names sounded really cool... capone, black-knight, etc, etc. I wanted one. I spoke to my classmates and we began experimenting with the names we could come up with. And then one day, I made a terrible blunder that became a reference point for all my classmates to bully me.
The Terrible Nickname.
I don't know the evil spirit that whispered to me on that fateful day to remove every strand of hair on my head. I went to the Barber's shop and asked for a haircut and I got a mirror...a clean mirror without guile. So clean, it was almost able to reflect the light of the sun. I went to school the next day, ashamed and looking for a way to keep my head covered. But, I couldn't.
Soon, all my classmates were feeling the smoothness of my head, the contours, the undulations, the ups and downs that characterized my skull. Soon I got a nickname, and this one stuck. This was how one of my very mischievous classmates described it.
When you put your hand on a screen, a clean screen and slide it quickly from one part to the other, do you know the sound it makes? It goes Screeeemapiooro. Sckree for short.
Everyday from that day my classmates, other members of the school, even some teachers began to call me that name. I fought it, I bitched about it. I cried. I shouted. But everything I did only made the name stick more.
My Virginity
Before this experience, I knew nothing about bullying. Or If I did, I couldn't recall it. I was a jolly-go fellow, calm headed. I wasn't the big type, but I wasn't small either, so I wasn't a candidate for bullying. If anything, I was the one in the position to be a bully. But up until this time, I do not know if I had acted on that privilege. Is it a privilege? I dunno..
The point is, I was a pure soul. I was not a victim or a perpetrator of bullying, until this happened. Then I sought for ways to return the favor. And I did a terrible job. I shouldn't talk about those dark things, most of which i have forgotten.
What I should have done.
I should have done nothing. Yeah. If I had just heard the name, laughed about it and forgotten about it, maybe it would have died the same way the others did, once my hair grew back. I didn't like the name, but by showing my displeasure to my classmates about the name, I only made them pay more attention to it.
The Irony about this is that, when it comes to some other forms of bullying, the best resolve is to stand up for yourself and oppose the bully. How do I know? I have been bullied again after that episode in secondary school. But this kind of bullying was a lot more sophisticated. It was one that trampled on my right as a human, as an adult, as a person who had choices and could make decisions.
I got out by standing up for myself and showing strength and not weakness. By showing strength, I was able to get the bully understand that i was not a child, a weakling who could be messed around with.
There are various forms of bullying. Cyber-bullying, school bullying, name-calling, body-shaming. I consider these to be forms of bullying and the way to handle them differ based on the type and circumstances involved.
But, no matter the kind of bullying it is, no matter the circumstances around it, no matter who the person is that is the perpetrator, the fundamental law that governs bullying is called insecurity. The bully feels insecure about himself/herself, so he makes another person become insecure.
It's something that a lot of study is still going on about. Maybe a lasting solution can be adopted soon.
PS- All images used are mine, unless otherwise stated.