10/2/21

The other day I rode over to my bank's ATM. It's a few miles out of my immediate area. To be specific the bank is located directed in my actual hometown.

I was bored and perhaps feeling slightly nostalgic and so I swung by my old neighborhood and man it was trippy.

It was so similar but very much not similar. Familiar but not familiar. Good and bad. Bittersweet.

Old classic trees I used to climb are gone, never to be seen again. Chopped by the borough.

Riding down the alley, the divets and bumps, were surprisingly similar. The alleyways similar. I walked down my old path to go home from my bus stop.

There were fences at various times, where there wasn't before.

I wonder how many people still live there from when I was a kid?

My mother seems to be doing ok. No idea really.

You know, I suppose a lot of these feelings are nostalgia, but I kind of don't like nostalgia.

Nostalgia, it kind of frightens me. I don't know why. It's an odd mixture. I feel sadness that I won't be a kid ever again. Sadness that my life kind of changed really fast. Scared of the future, scared I'm disappointing myself and a lot of people.

I feel a sense of motivation, but it's like not a really good motivation. I just feel a lot of fear, kind of wild. It's a weird intense motivation. Not normal.

I felt like a total stranger in an environment I grew up in. But my childhood was not picture perfect either so I wasn't even super sad in that aspect.

Perhaps it was just anxiety, who knows.

I think I learned a lot by strolling through there. I have a kind of a mission in my head.

I'll probably ramble on about this, but it was a very odd experience.

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I took these pictures on the way back.

I like my area I am from as a whole, I'm not ungrateful. I would love to become a wealthy enough individual to be able to give back and improve my community.

Hive on.