FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
School has been so hectic that I haven’t been here for about a week or two (and that feels like forever,actually🥹). Additionally, the power supply in my school area has not been stable (and examination is almost here!!), but well, I am back again, against all odds😊. So…I have been deliberating on what to write on after my forced break, and there is so much to talk about, actually. But I didn’t know if I should start with this pressing issue on my mind, or talk about an entirely different thing. Well, I decided to rant a little🌝
I will be in my finals in the next few months and I am feeling so many different emotions that I can’t explain. I just concluded my Farm Practical Year (FPY) activities ,that is more like I.T for Agricultural Students in my school. We observed the training for a whole session and in this training, we experienced more of the practical aspect of agriculture. Also, I will be starting my 400 level examination by February 6th, precisely. I am studying Agricultural Economics and Farm Management and it’s a five years course.
Apart from the fact that I have to prepare for 20 courses, and write 4 papers per day, I am bothered about another thing entirely. I am going to be a finalist in few months and I am stuck with these big questions.
-Am I ready for the outside world?
-How would I go about pre-data, post-data and defense?
-How would I even present them when I am a shy person?
-Where would I settle down after school?
-What exactly would be the next thing for me to do when I’m done in this institution?
-Should I consider working or just stick to building my brand and businesses?
-What does the future hold?
-Is there anything I can do from now?
-Should I have started worrying about this earlier or it’s not too late?
Or is it too early to think about all these things?
Okayyyy, calm down girl! Breathe in and out🥹
See, a lot of questions are coming to my head at once. By imagination, It’s thrilling and scary at the same time , honestly, I am trying really hard not to overthink it, but it seems like it’s not working. I know I should worry about today and make the most out of it, but apparently, the present determines the future. I’m really trying to not get too worked up about all these things, but at the same time, I think I should keep them somewhere in my head so that I will be careful of the decisions I make as from now.
Wait!
Defending my projects would mean that I would have to stand in front of the lectures and maybe my fellow students!!! Oh my God, how do I pull that off?. I really hope my legs don’t shake and my stomach doesn’t turn and my heart doesn’t start pounding like it wants to pop out. Anxiety is something I have been living with for a while, but truthfully, I haven’t practically worked on it. Or maybe I should try doing that, I could learn to face my fears( but how? ). I don’t think watching You tube videos will help, it is easier said than done. Well, I guess I would find a way out, it’s going to be fine😊
I remember those times that school frustrates the strength out of me and I’ll be like ‘I just want to be done with all these already’. Now, that time is almost upon me and here I am, panicking, what do humans want?😂😂
Pheeww
I ask almost every finalist I know about their plans after they finish school. I also ask fresh graduates how things are in the outside world. Of course, I get different responses. They advise me, tell me the good part, the bad part, what they wish they had done differently, and so on.
I guess it’s going to my turn to answer some questions and give some advice soon, and I look forward to give them hope and calm their minds.
I won’t lie, I still feel so lost most of the time and I understand that no one has it all figured out. Honestly, I am not even asking for perfection, but at least, a proper direction, so I’d have clarity. I guess I just need to calm down and work on the questions reverberating in my head.
Well, I just wanted to rant, get all my thoughts out, and retrace my steps. Maybe I can finally find the right direction. Also, I believe that I will cross that bridge when I get to it😊.
I don’t mind one or two words of encouragement if you have any, I will really appreciate it. Tips on how to face crowd will help greatly as well🌝
Thank you for reading❤️
Babe I am sure that you would phase through all these when the time comes. I could actually relate to this because in a way I was once in this type of situations and thoughts that I was thinking what next.
But you would begin to answer those questions clearly by yourself when the time comes. And I would be there during every moment.❤️
Aww, this is very sweet of you to say. Thank you❤️
I’m glad you can actually relate, I pray everything turns out okay. And I will do my best to get ready for that phase, so I won’t have have to worry too much by then.
I trust you....
Trying to find answers to all these questions at a time might leave you not getting answers for just one so you should tackle them one after the other.
When the examination is approaching, that's the priority. When it is time for project, you figure that out as well, and so on. It becomes a weight when we think too much about it all at a time and I wish you and every other student success.
I really appreciate you pointing it out that taking things one step at a time is definitely the best way to go about it.
Thank you very much, I really do appreciate your comment.
You are welcome, I am glad I could at least give some advice. It is not something I am good at and you taking it means a lot to me.
Aww,I’m glad it means a lot to you. But trust me, I don’t agree with you that you’re not good at giving advice, infact, I think you are a pro!
Thank you once again😊
I’m glad that you’re doing agricultural studies because we desperately need more people to be doing that! I know it seems daunting but I think you will be okay in the end. There’s a big element to it all where we grow up the most as an adult after school is over and we get into the real working world. It’s the most difficult but also the most rewarding which is good. Some people can and some people can’t handle it but the important thing is to give it the dedication you can and it should turn out alright!
Those finals and bits of work at the end aren’t easy but they are a good challenge to sum up what you’ve learned.