BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS III: BENEATH THE BEAUTY
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Beauty, they say, is in the eyes of the beholder but can we fully know the content of a container by merely looking at it.
Have you ever gotten a product with a beautiful container and packaging only to find out that its content doesn't match up to its outward beauty?
This analogy can also be likened to relationships. Most times, we become carried away trying to beautify our outward looks and the likes that we sometimes forget that building our inside also matters. We forget that what defines us individually is a total of our beauty, character, thoughts and actions which births from our inside.
In our world today, We see so much emptiness which can be traced from the kind of information we consume daily from various mediums such as misguided disseminated media information, associations, corrupt knowledge and the likes.
This is one of the major problems faced in relationships with people.
Still sounds confusing?🤔 let me paint a clearer picture from a personal experience shared with me👌
A friend of mine and I went to a nearby store here in my university to get foodstuffs. Damn, we were very hungry and had to rush down to get foodstuffs to prepare a nice meal. While at the woman's shop, a beautiful young lady came in to buy foodstuffs too. She talked aggressively to everyone around including the woman (foodstuff seller) claiming she is at the prime time of her life and doesn't care what anyone says to her. She just wants to enjoy her life to the fullest and make all the mistakes now she is young.
When she finally left, the foodstuff seller almost in tears, told us of how she used to be like that while in school too, how she felt the whole world would always bow at her feet because she was very beautiful. She said she never paid attention to her character, books, acquiring knowledge and developing herself in her youth.
Fast forward to date, her friends that told her she was the hottest and hailed her for being rude and empty all left her. she is still struggling to catch up with life and her marriage is almost in shambles because she discovered that beauty wasn't all that mattered after all. She is still learning the hard way and advised my friend and me to focus on being beautiful on our inside too and never be a liability.
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Imagine having to meet someone without good characters? Someone who sees no need for growth, someone proud for nothing, spiteful, looks down on others and has no core values. Imagine the disappointment regardless of how beautifully packaged they look.
In our present age, few people place huge importance on building good characters, growth and development. We place so much emphasis on our appearance and sometimes forget that appearance only gives that first impression, what then happens after that? Are you perceived as a liability with nothing more to offer or seen as one with loaded contents to dish out?
Appearance is important and can only get you the attention needed. What gets you closer and farther is a good character backed up with the vast knowledge and experience needed.
This fact has affected healthy relationships in the long run.
Friendships or relationships among people should be centered on growth. Any relationship that doesn't cater for the balanced growth of parties involved is bound to fail.
Imagine having a friend who doesn't care about your positive growth, cannot help solve problems by critical thinking, cannot be trusted and accounted for and the likes. You don't have to consult an oracle or Alexa to know that that relationship will instead of impacting the parties involved, become unbalanced, drain them and end in tears.
I define Relationship as the peaceful and symbiotic coexistence between people from different races and cultures.
Symbiotic friendship in the sense that both parties must have something to offer in exchange and goals or dreams that align. In simple terms, it is a give-and-take friendship.
For example, I have this close female friend with who I currently gist and share topics. She sings a lot too and most times, seek my opinion on pressing matters. Mind you, my friend and I won't have grown to the extent of becoming close friends if she is not good at listening, understanding, sharing wise opinions among other notable qualities. We also share our love for music and all-around excellence in common. Trust me, this has gone way beyond just appearance.
But then the question is how then do we ensure this peaceful and symbiotic coexistence?
Qualities that enhances Relationships
- Good Character and core values:
Having a good character is highly underrated in our present time.
Beauty may raise erections, only good Characters can raise an empire”
Core values are basically what you stand for as a person.
We must build good characters because they speak for us even in our absence and form our reputation.
Even in relationships, showing love, care, being trustworthy and other characters are necessary ingredients to grow the relationship.
Show me a person with good character and core values, I will show how bright his path is albeit obstacles"
- Be Assertive in your approach:
Assertiveness simply means expressing yourself while respecting the rights of others
Have you ever been with an aggressive person before?
Most times, what differentiates success and failures in life is the manner of approach applied. In a relationship, having the understanding of the right approach can save stress, quarrels and increase bonding.
- Be growth centered:
What's a relationship without growth in defined areas?
Be hungry for more improvement in various aspects of your relationship and life in general. Challenge the status quo and pursue growth together.
One shall chase a thousand, two shall chase ten thousand.
See the beautiful side when we pursue growth and tackle stumbling block together as a team. We attain greater heights collectively than individually but this can't be possible if parties involved are not growth centered.
- Seek knowledge:
How will you grow in that relationship without the right knowledge?
How will you handle conversations, productive arguments and give solutions without having the right knowledge in the first place?
What will you say when you hang out with friends if you have nothing to say?? Will they just stare at your pretty face?
No wonder the holy book says:
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.
Get that degree. Take that online course. Acquire that skill and be a professional. It's a necessary tool in relationships.
Ask questions and be hungry for more knowledge. I bet you that with this in place, you will have a lot to offer in any relationship.
So, my questions to you are: can your friends run to you for help and solutions? What do they know you for? Can you be trusted and accountable? Are you hungry for more growth in that relationship?
After reading through all this, what's next?
Obviously, the next thing is to apply everything we have learnt. Sit back and analyze areas you need to build personally, the next course or knowledge you want to seek and offer.
Generally, draft out areas you want to grow and share with your friends. Ask for help when needed.
Also, trust the growth process. It ain't magic. It will take time but will save you heartbreaks and improve your relationships.
I look forward to that huge growth and improvement in our relationships. Much love😍
A big thank you to @indayclara for this new introduction template. Much love😍