FOUNTAIN FLOWING WITH WATER IN THE DESERT
In my comment to @vempromundo.pob #pobtalk post of yesterday, I mentioned I was a little sad and needed a way to cheer up a bit, i was shocked at the number of responses I got and suggestions I received. It really made me smile a bit, atleast there are really people that care. I guess that's why we have this community and I must say thank you.
I haven't written in a while, I've been really busy yes, especially with preparing for my I.T defense but I guess it isn't much of an excuse not to write. Truthfully, I guess I was in a desert dying of thirst and needing a way to get a route that'll lead me to a beautiful fountain flowing with water. I don't know if I've found it yet but whatever the case may be i'm still searching.
I've always related most of my posts to my experiences growing up because I feel real life stuffs are relatable and I feel it's high time I opened up a bit, I've been caged for too long.
Like I said, I was busy preparing for my Industrial Attachment defense and had successfully defended. Just so you know, I'm an urban and regional planning student and I'm currently in my year five which is the final year in my course of study.
I've been in on my head for close to six years now trying to get good grades and make my parents proud of me and certainly move them out of the state of financial stagnation. Years upon years of reading, going to classes, spending almost all of their money on books, reports, field trips and so on but it was just until recently that I discovered something.
I wasn't happy, no matter how I tried to put my head down and be passionate about achieving this dream I thought was mine, each time it kept dawning on me that I had followed the wrong path.
I'm not saying this path is a bad path, no of course not, it's actually a very good one, after all being educated is very necessary but truth be told, after I finish school, I'll probably look for a good paying job that'll earn me little money and then go on to get married and have kids that I'll start catering for. It was a well mapped out life but I guess that's not how I want my life to be.
Where's all the fun in that?, This life is only one and I'll love to spend the rest of my life doing what makes me happy. I've always had this dream that I'll be someone great, or at least someone that other people would look up to with so much joy in their eyes. I want to be me and me isn't the person I'm seeing myself becoming right now.
I know my parents wouldn't understand, and certainly most of society wouldn't understand, even you reading this might wonder "what is this guy saying self", but I don't know what way to express how I'm really feeling.
I want to live my life to the fullest, make amazing memories, memories that I'll look back at with smiles on my face, travel the world to get to meet new people and cultures, I want to be able to tell my kids about the adventures I've been through and see their faces light up, I don't want to be a grumpy dad that'll just impose things on his kids, no, I want them to feel loved and be free to be whatever they want to be.
I realized this a little late, because I had been caged, I had my tongue cut really early in life and my hands and feet tied towards laid down rules I needed to follow. Every time I went outside that path I was disciplined into place and my screws were fixed so I'll continue as the robot I was and I still am.
I don't blame my parents though, I barely have an idea of the hardship they had to face, the lives they lived they did for me to have a better one and I'm really thankful for that. But if I get the chance to make life better for my own children, I'll follow that path surely without hesitation.
I want to open my life, I want people to look at me and feel happy, I want to bring joy into other people's lives, I want to make a change, I want to inspire others, I want to hear my name in people's lips, no I'm not talking about having fame or being rich, I don't even know what I'm talking about but all I see is a fountain flowing with water in the desert and you must be seeing it too, isn't it beautiful?
No one will care about you when you die, surely I'll not even care about me if I died so why am I holding back?, I've got to be who I want to be, it's about that time! I can't hold back any more, I can't continue to hide the beauty of the creator.
I had always thought of myself as the odd one out, always asking questions i wasn't supposed to ask, wanting to know about things i didn't need to know, always caring when I didn't need to care, sometimes I've been manipulative too just to get what I wanted, I wish life was easy but it isn't, so there's no time for hesitating, I'll keep doing what I have to do.I remember @nonsowrites talk about not hesitating about telling the truths he always told in his post Link here
I'm taking a bold step, I don't know if it's the right step to take, I don't know if I'll die of thirst in this desert that I'm in, but there's no stopping me now, I'm finding that fountain one way or the other and I hope you find your foundation too.
I'll also want you to take time to listen to this song by AYRASTARR called "Cast (Gen-z-Anthem)", it brought my head down and inspired this post to a certain extent.
Thank you for taking time to read this post, God bless you ❤️❤️