A new take on the old-fashioned
Uhh, hello there.
Yeah just go ahead and have a seat I guess.
Sure.
So now that you're here I got a question for you: What if I told you something you didn't want to know?
I'm not going to, I just wanted to ask you that particular question for no particular reason.
Now let me ask you another: How does that make you feel?
Are you confused now?
Maybe a little bit uncertain about where I'm going with this and why I'm even bothering?
Did I catch you off guard?
Well good, that's exactly what I was shooting for.
Don't look at me like that you're not getting any sympathy from me.
That's what you get for waltzing in here right when the clock's striking nine even though I already flipped the sign around so it says CLOSED.
Yeah.
Confusion upon thee, all of it right now, and uncertainty as well.
Just because I haven't locked the door yet doesn't mean I'm not gonna give you shit for straight up implying that your time is more important than mine by strutting yourself all up in here like that and acting like you didn't notice the closed sign.
Fuck no I'm not gonna let you order anything and I don't even care if you're here to buy the whole fucking establishment for that matter.
It's 9:01pm, we're closed, end of story.
No sale.
Last call was thirty-one minutes ago which means you're thirty-one minutes late.
Might as well have been thirty-one years late cause you're not getting shit outta me.
Put away that fat roll of hundreds right the fuck now I don't want a single one of them.
Not a single one, you hear me?
You can sit there all fucking night pointing at all the shiny bottles you want me to pour you five fat fingers out of and whining about how totally starving you are for a big plate of loaded nachos but guess how much of what you want you're actually gonna get?
Fucking absolutely none of it, that's exactly how much.
Yeah.
Hey wanna know why I'm not gonna serve you anything even though I can tell you really, really want to order a whole fucking lot of food and booze and would obviously pay top dollar for the opportunity to do so?
Because it's nine fucking oh two PM and we're closed goddammit, that's why.
Didn't you hear me the first time?
Well then why'd you just sit there staring at me like everything coming out of my mouth is some kind of horseshit foreign tongue to you?
Not everyone is just gonna roll over and let you do whatever you want just because you look like you're carrying around enough cash to just go buy a new fucking car every time the one you're driving gets a little low on gas.
What the fuck is wrong with people like you anyway?
You rich entitled pricks are all the same.
Actually you know what, fuck it, that was really rude of me. This whole thing has just been one huge rude rant and I apologize. Please forgive my abrasive language. It was a really fucking long day and I'm just really wiped out that's all. I'll get started on those nachos right away but first let me mix you a quick drink. You like whiskey? Sweet. This one's on the house man. It's our own unique twist on the old-fashioned, except we swap out the bitters for a bit of locally sourced iocaine powder. This is some real good shit man, believe you me. Been getting rave reviews up and down this whole valley. What? You've seriously never heard of iocaine before? Oh my fucking god are you in for a treat! Cheers man, and welcome to Colorado!
I smell nothing!
Great, nothing to see here! Have a !BEER
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Hi there and hello right back.
I've decided to take another break from writing but I still keep an eye on my notifications so here we are having this conversation.
Would you like a !BEER?
Just getting the day started so it's a little early for beer.
Have you been watching the events? It's playoff season!
Yes, as usual I have been keeping myself very well abreast of all the sports, and the politics and markets both foreign and domestic as well.
Today is best day ever material, man. Indy 500. Plus I get to come here and remind you my Oilers will kick you Avalanche ass in four games. Maybe I'll let you win one to be nice though.
Oh yeah I forgot all about the figure skating competitions. I really don't even care who wins so long as there is a good amount of fistfighting involved.
They don't fight often in the playoffs. Be pretty hard to do your best Triple Salchow into a Lutz then shelve into the top corner when there's a fist in the way.
Oh. Well maybe I'll just stick to watching C-SPAN then.
Could always look out the window as well. Fun to watch sometimes.
Good idea. I'll try that now.
Edit: Just tried it and I couldn't see anything because there is a curtain in the way.
It's not the curtain in the way dude. Your inability to solve problems is what's holding you back.
All you have to do is go around to the other side of the window and look. duh
I see your point but I'm feeling extremely agoraphobic right now so I'd rather not leave my room and risk having to talk to someone. I've decided to cut a big hole in the wall next to the curtain and then yank the whole window to the side, that way I will be able to look out of it.
I've seen this technique before. Be careful where you cut. Get too close to that rod holding the curtain up and it could send the whole apparatus crashing to the floor. Then you'll have to deal with another hole in the wall. Just end up doing the twice the amount of work for nothing.
Hmm so what if I just made a cut around the entire wall and pushed the whole thing over? Technically I wouldn't be able to look out of the window anymore that way, but I would certainly be able to look out.
Maybe quickly wrap yourself in the curtain in order to protect yourself from the dangers of what could be outside. Then once you're ready step on out there (don't forget to hold your breath) and check to see if there's something that might get smashed if a wall falls on it. Might be tulips out there or a lawn that needs mowing.
Weird. Just tried that and wouldn't you know, there is a television sitting right outside here and it's tuned in to the C-SPAN station. I love that station. I think I'll just sit here wrapped in my curtain drinking a !BEER and enjoying the show.
No mystery goes unsolved when I'm around. Don't tune in to the hockey game.
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Dear @brandt, we need your help!
The Hivebuzz proposal already got important support from the community. However, it lost its funding a few days ago and only needs a few more HP to get funded again.
May we ask you to support it so our team can continue its work this year?
You can do it on Peakd, ecency, Hive.blog or using HiveSigner.
https://peakd.com/me/proposals/199
Your support would be really helpful and you could make a difference.
Thank you!
Geesh... if that's hell drop me a pin please