AFRICAN WOMAN, INDEPENDENT WOMAN

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My colleague and I were having a discussion today. Basically, she was sharing her thoughts about me moving and going to live on my own (well, not on my own since I have my friend with me).

In her opinion, her father would have never let her go live on her own when she was my age. She's older than me by over a decade, so I do understand what she means when she says that. Her parents' generation was not so lenient with their kids.

She did share part of their sentiment. According to her the general belief when "men" see a young lady living alone, it's either she's loose, has some hidden agenda and is looking for the freedom to explore or she doesn't have the proper 'home training". Both of which will make her unsuitable for marriage.

I watched her talk about how guys will change their view of me now and not accord me as much respect as they will accord a lady still living with her parents. To be honest, I wasn't even mad at all the analysis she had to make. I was just stunned.

My first thought was how does one (a woman) live her life thinking mostly of how a man will see her. Ignoring everything you want for yourself and making yourself this person that will be generally acceptable to men.

My second thought was, how shallow-minded were the men she has met or had relationships with. Doesn't she know there are men out there who will respect you just because of who they are, irrespective of who you are or the choices you've made?

I thought to myself, are you grooming yourself as a woman to be the right fit for a man. Or you're more focused on being the best version of yourself and making decisions that will be beneficial to you in the long run. Why is it so important for a woman's life to revolve around marriage and children, especially in African society?

I came to just one conclusion: it had more to do with her orientation as a human being and less to do with the men she has met. She has been programmed to think in this manner and therefore, that is how she thinks. I'll say I blame her a little for not looking beyond what she was taught.

I grew up with parents who trusted me and my siblings to make the right decision for ourselves. They let us make mistakes and help us when we need to amend them, yet they do not stop us from taking the next big step on our own.

My parents believe that you know what's best for you, even though they offer advice when needed. Ultimately, we were given the choice to do what we want. I guess they believe they raised us well enough to know what we want.

The trust they have in us is mostly what guides us through all our decision-making processes. I remember when I told my mum I wanted to quit my job. All she said was that, if you think that's what's best for you, then I'm here whenever you need anything.

Therefore, although it may seem unconventional to want my place at my present age in my society. My parents support my decision 100% and honestly, that's all I need. My mom raised her daughters to be independent, she believes in ladies being their best self and doing it for themselves before anything else.

I do believe a man who wants to judge me because I live on my own is not a man who deserves me and I don't want that for myself. There are men out there who look beyond trivial things and focus on the important things. I am complete on my own and any man I have is an addition, not a necessity.

Thanks for stopping by ❤️