Do I Wish I Never Met You?

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(Edited)

This is another Weekend Engagement topic by Galen wich catched me on Friday and stayed in my mind the whole weekend:

Never met
Have you ever felt your life would have been better had you not met a particular person? Tell us about them, the situation, and why you feel that way. You don't need to name the person if you don't wish to.

My story for this topic is about my ex partner. Of course, I don't know at all if my life would have been better if we wouldnt have met back in 2009? For sure I also would have missed out a lot of wonderful moments. But there is still this thought in me, that I lost an importand piece of myself during our 9 years of partnership.

I dont wanna go into drama, the short version is, it was a time full of lies while sharing life with an – hm, narcist is a strong word, dont you think – but at least a person who has some narcistic and egocentric tendencies. Huh, hard to write this down. Wow, I am still defending him! Crazy.

Anyway, the moment back in time when we met, my life was just perfect. I've been happy in any aspect of my life, missing nothing at all.

pixabay

Thinking about this topic during the weekend, there came something else to my mind: Not long before we met, I went to a „witchcraft store“ a friend of mine, called „the little witch“, had. A crazy, colorful little store. For that day she had an event: There was another woman and you could go there to get your life read out from coffee ground, you know what I mean? I had not a "big question for the universe" at all, just was curious, so I joined in.

It was a nice afternoon, all the others going to her (in a seperate room) stayed a long time, came out totaly ful of insights and widsoms and I saw a lot of tears in red eyes.

Then it was my turn. I went to that room, set down and we started the session.
She looked into the coffee cup and said:
„Oh! Wow!“
You can imagine my surprise?
She told me it doesnt happen very often, that she sees such a peaceful, calm soul, centered and content with everything.
I confirmed, that this reflected my whole life back at that time.

pixabay

This all happend within 5 Minutes and we had finished. I was sitting there, I remember very well, and asked: So why did all the others stay here in this room so long?
She told me, you couldnt imagine how people love to step into deepest life dramas.

Dear reader, you know about self-fulfilling prophecies?
So... I suppose I made a big big fault when I spoke those words:
„I cannot understand why they all step into those dramas and dont come out again?“

...

Some weeks later I met my Ex and it started like heaven on earth. Of course I forgot about the woman with her empty coffee cup. It was years later, that those memories came back to my mind.

Finally leaving him in 2018 I thought, okay, this is all over now, I will find myself again. But somehow it didnt really happen. Of course, I do a lot better now, a huge lot better. But this deepest inner calm I used to have before through all my life, didnt come fully back.

Would it have been different if I wouldnt have met him?
Would it have been different if I wouldnt have been in the witch store?
Would if have been different if I wouldnt have asked this „drama question“?

I guess NO, because I believe every soul goes exactly the life path she wants to go. The circumstances may be different, but the main topic probably will always be the same.

Now, that I write these lines, there is a strong thought arising:

The problem might be, that I wanna fight and run and bite to get this inner state again, because it felt so incredible good. But this is not possible. How could ever deep inner calm arise out of fighting for it?

So I will have to find another way to „reach“ this. Maybe it is something, that cannot be reached as a goal, but just simply can be. What the hell could ever keep us away from our deepest inner calm sea?

"Dear Ex, I am happy that I met you. I dont wish we wouldnt have met, because if we hadnt, maybe I wouldnt sit here at the moment and write these lines. For the good or the bad. Life is."

Thank you for this topic, dear Galen :-) You know that I love to join in the WEs. Maybe it was a little bit confusing this time? I hope you all had a wonderful weekend :-) Yours, B.


photos used in this posting by pixabay.com
More informations about the Weekend Engagement by @galenkp may be found here: https://ecency.com/hive-168869/@galenkp/we105-weekend-engagement-concept




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3 comments
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Hello @beeber

You know your story is very similar to my own. I have been trying to claw back that inner calm to no avail. I try each day to simply feel a little bit lighter. There is no way we can erase the damage unfortunately, even if we wished it away, it is part and parcel of our life story now, we simply have to decide how we will work through that part of the journey to hopefully one day find that stillness inside us again. I wish that for you, I think you deserve it 🌷

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Hi @andrastia thank you so much for stopping by :-) it's always good to hear, you're not the only one feeling and thinking this way. Somehow I try to understand, this is only in our heads, only thoughts that we should let go and kind of blieve system, we "should stay with the drama inside". Hmm, sorry, hard to explain what I mean.
I wish to you too to reach the wonderful calm inner sea again! This fulmoon night might be good to get closer to that state of mind :-)

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