A very nasty addiction:

PSA: The topics discussed here are uncomfortable for some. While this doesn’t fall technically under the NSFW heading, I must caution you. If this isn’t for you, please do keep scrolling. Thank you.

This is a very unpleasant topic. I get it, no really I do. Why do I say that? Well, like most red-blooded American males, I have had more than a passing time investment with the big P or Porn.  The industry is north of 6 billion, yes, with a B dollars in value. It seems there is no shortage of people making it rain and throwing dollar bills at it. That in itself is humorous to me. With the advent of the internet, there is no shortage of places to find it for free. I know firsthand. I am in no way bragging, just stating facts based on personal experience.  I never had any problems finding it. I did have a problem with stopping.

I'm sure most of us started the same way. We found or stole magazines like Playboy and the like. No one read it for the articles, if we can all be honest. Sure, I could avoid it for stretches of time. But much like an alcoholic or an addict, it would call me back and back. I'd go every time. Not that it was all  limited to the more popular video variety. There were also erotic stories and books as well. We can call it literature ,but who exactly are we fooling? Hell, I even wrote a couple of well received stories for a website myself. Shame really, I used to be a pretty good writer, reduced to that kind of thing. 

I don't want to sound all judging and whatnot. I'm sure that I am, I'm really trying not to. Everyone has a different life experience. This is a difficult topic to talk about and harder to listen to. There are people that struggle with this and I really do feel for them. I truly hope they glean something worthwhile from my awkward ramblings. I know I was trapped in this "world" for decades.  At the time of this writing it's been 3 or so years since I frequented any sites. I am not sure urge is the right word, for lack of a better word I’ll use it.  Every now and then, the thought will cross my mind to revisit one of my old haunts. I am always able to fight that feeling off.  I prayed and prayed for God to remove it from my life and, for the most part, like 99% He has answered that prayer. I'm not entirely sure what the remaining resistance is coming from.  As I said, every so often, I will think about it.

Many guys and I am sure, women as well turn to porn and think nothing of it. After all, many see no harm in it. I think it is very harmful to so many. To the people exploited into doing the movies/videos etc. To the married couples where one partner relies on this as an outlet instead of intimacy with their partner. Some have unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of what their partners and potential partners like and want. I mean, if the actress seems to like it, what real life person wouldn't, right? 

I was always able to keep the two separate. I could differentiate between acting and real life. I also have a very active imagination as well. I also never chose porn over real situations either. I guess it was more of a full time hobby though. I spent many hours there.  I'm most likely not the only one that watched it and felt disgusted after the fact. That in itself should have been a red flag for me.  There are most certainly others out there like me. So, what did I do? If I felt the urge or need, I would force myself to do something else. Watch tv, read a book, work in the garden. Anything really to get my mind off of it. 

As I said, I also prayed as well. God did answer me. I'm sure the solution will sound odd and extreme to some. I am a 2x cancer survivor. The kind only a dude can have twice. I'll wait... there you are. All caught up? Good.  Since the second surgery 3 years ago in 2018, my body stopped producing testosterone. Like full on, sorry no more for you, stopped. Welcome to the fun and exciting life of andropause. Yes, that really is a word and really does exist. Among the many fun and exciting "perks" is no sex drive.

Now, I could be mad at God. But why? I am in my mid 50's. I have two awesome children. But, the biggest item in the W column is, I am alive to be able to write to you. How can I argue with that? This type of cancer has a very high survival rate. So, I had a good shot anyway. It was cancer though. Cancer sucks and cancer kills every damn day. I've lost so many friends to that bastard. As I said, it was a seemingly extreme solution to a not so extreme crisis. It worked though. I believe God always answers prayers. Sometimes yes, sometimes no and sometimes, a very unexpected answer. For me, it was the latter. I asked, He answered and it worked. 

Is watching a movie, and I use the word loosely here, or two once in a while a bad thing? Only you can answer that. I know, it sounds like a cop out. Honestly, only you know you and what your tolerance is. No one but you can answer that. Much like someone with a drinking problem. Some can have one drink and stop. Others can never pick up a drink again for fear of where it will lead. If a good chunk of your waking hours is spent on adult sites, you may have a problem.

If you are suffering with addiction to this or really anything, reach out for help. There are a lot of us out here that have been exactly where you are. There are dozens of resources both on the web and I am sure locally as well. There is help if you look for it.

As always just my .02¢ worth YMMV

Craig