The unpursued dreams took me here ! ( My Introductory post )

Sometimes life is really unfair . Everyone has differents struggles in life but let me share why are my dreams remain a dream .
Hi , I'm Aileen D. , 29 years old , a first time mom , a mother of one , full time mom and a workaholic housewife .

My story started when I was 5 years old . My mother left us due to unknown reason . My twin brothers was just 9 months that time . I don't know what happened those time , I thought that mom was only sleeping inside but I saw my dad crying . I don't have any idea why all of them are crying . By the way my Dad's job is a Security Guard . My father needs to work to provide our needs . He hired nannies to take care of us while he's working . Since nanny's are expensive , He takes us to our grandparents . Our grandparents loved us very much .

On my first grade , I made it to the top , I was an honor student and consistent on top . My dad was very proud of me . I just made it to make my dad happy . Fast forward , my Dad met his new lover which my stepmom later on . At first , she's very good at us , show all her love . But since she had her own son everything changed . I felt jealous but I let it be . We had many misundertanding and opposite principles . Including my dad he's too strict to me .

During my highschool days first and second year , I study hard so someday I'm working in a bank industry as an accountant , I also love to become a model , actress or a dancer that can be shown in a television then I can help my parents and my brothers . I always dream big for my whole family . I always follow my parents and finally I made it to second honor and many awards . I was happy to announced what I achieved to them but they compare me to others who are first honors . They make me feel upset and unworthy enough . They aren't proud of me and I cry . I miss my mom everyday .

Third year and fourth year of my highschool life . I lose my hope , I never study , I always absent and sometimes I made projects after deadline . All my dreams fade away , I never ever chase my dreams . One time when I was forth year my big project at school was to join the Js prom , this is my projects for all my subjects . Before the event , There are group of people who handles cancer patients and asked for hair donation but it's not madatory , I feel pitty on them because they have less chance to grow hair . I donate my hair . After they cut my hair , it was armpit level so its not totally short at all . But I was so shocked when I return home , they told me to not to join the Js prom just because I cut my hair . I told them my reason and the purpose of the prom . When they say No it's really a No . I cried many times and it makes me feel really depressed . To be honest , even I'm not fully focused that time but still I'm on the top list , Top 6 not bad though .
My friends texted them even my teacher but there answer was always NO ! I blamed them all the time and think that they don't love me anymore . . All I know house is hell . I want to work by my own , I want to live by myself .
After my graduation , I enrolled to a vocational course but it won't work . So I decide to find a job . My last job at the City was as a pharmacy assistant . I'm grateful that someone trained me and help me this kind of job . I also attend seminars . Let me keep it short , there are many things happened these years and we still don't have good relation with my parents .

By 2020 I give birth my first and only son . Later on , I realized and understand more the situation . I understand my Dad why he set the rules . Also understand my stepmom why she's acting like that after she gave birth , maybe she's suffering postpartums like what I've experienced . Before my dad won't even talk to me , but now he gave me advices . I can say that , I won't do it to my child like the time when they pressured me and overruled .
In other hand ,I'm so proud of my Dad like I can't imagine how he handled when our mom left us . I know they aren't perfect but me neither , I'm not perfect daughter too . I feel sorry to my self cause I didn't make it . I feel guilty because there should one who takes care of my Dad ,and that's me .
I believe that you don't understand until you wear their shoes .

All I do now is to focused my family and I can say that I found my happiness .We are in a good relationship to my dad and even my stepmom . This is not just a lesson to me but lesson to everyone that until there's a way pursue your dreams . There's no take two in life but the peace of mind is the best . Even if you have money but no peace of mind you feel heavy .
Currently I work online , it's a work from home set up . At first , I doubt , if I will be hired because this job doesnt suits my passion . I just let my God guide all through this application . Luckily , I got hired and feel contented and satisfied with it . My struggles in life made me even stronger and bring the lessons in life with all my heart.

Since I was working online , I have much time to browse my feed , I saw someone's post about blogging . I reached her and she guided me all the way . I onboarded by @antonette and @chinito , we met through facebook and oriented how the hive works . I understand that no using AI both posts and engagements , no plagiarism, quality post and engagements, give our best efforts and use own own images.

I joined hive so I can express myself and to share my stories in life . As I grow older , I love to collect memories and share them to others and I also like to step on blogging world .

All photos are mine then enhanced and edited by Canva.