This fateful day.

in #31sentencecontest11 months ago


IMG_20190411_153932650_HDR (3).jpg

Brendan cycles home whistling happily, his thoughts on his wedding next day, when he notices the altercation.
He hesitates, slows.
He almost stops but doesn’t.
Thoughts ricochet through his head …it’s none of my business…but there’s nobody else around to help… and there’s three of them against one…
He turns the bike around, approaches them, shouting out.
You guys local?
His voice sounds strange to him, tinny, high-pitched, an unaccustomed fear rising to his throat to strangle his vocal cords as he inches closer and then closer still.
No reaction, the assault continues, until he locks eyes with the kid squirming on the ground, and suddenly there are 4 pairs of eyes meeting Brendan's.
"Move along, nothin' to see here mate".
The biggest one of them is getting to his feet, moving towards Brendan as he shouts at him.
Brendan instinctively backs up as the man approaches, one foot on the pedal one on the ground ready for a fast getaway.
"I’m not lookin’ for any trouble here mate," says Brendan quickly, "just lookin' for some directions, wonderin’ if maybe you guys can help me out"
"Can we help him out guys" the big one laughs, as the others release the kid and join their buddy.
Taking this as his cue to skedaddle, the kid takes off, running.
The three surround Brendan blocking his every avenue of escape.
They taunt him, pushing him this way and that, wresting the bike from his grasp, throwing it to the ground as he fights to keep his balance, losing it, falling.
Stunned.
He feels a sharp punch to his stomach. It's like a severe electric shock.
His nervous system screams that thousands of circuits have been cut, as his hand searches for the pain source.
He feels a sticky wetness, cries for help, but he’s alone.
He tries to raise his head but cannot as he hears the nee naw, nee naw of a siren, then nothing.
Drug deal gone wrong, scream the newspapers, male 20 stabbed, dead at the scene.
In the absence of any witnesses and evidence to the contrary, the police concur, the area being notorious for drug dealing and the crime scene a well-known CCTV blackspot.
Case closed.
No amount of protestations by his distraught parents as to the innocence of their boy can persuade the police to investigate the case any further; their son is dead after all.
There is no one to tell of his nobility, his selflessness in the face of the suffering of a stranger, and thus his bravery goes forever unsung.
He dies a villain.
The one for whom Brendan gave his life is fearful to speak in his hero's defence. But his path is irrevocably altered by Brendan's selfless sacrifice this fateful day.
Henceforth his life is dedicated to doing unto others as was fortunately done unto him.

Posted in response to tristancarax's 31sentence contest to write a story in 31 sentences, each of a specified length.
I missed the deadline by 24 hours because the dog ate my homework.

The image is my own

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Perfect. All the more so because it takes courage to write a story that will displease people. The safe way to go is for the righteous to win. Just like 'real life', right?

There's no way to tell you were straining to conform to a rigid format. Your verbal acrobatics seem effortless.

May I be presumptuous and recommend a blog by @chriddi? The blog is in German--I used Google Translate to help me catch all the bits. I think if you read the blog, you'll see why I relate it to your story. Or maybe I'm just too impressionable :))

Glad I stopped by to check you blog. A treat.

I am touched 😊

😇

Thanks very much for the ego massage and indeed the recommendation. I read chriddi's latest post and I see what you mean. It even mentions the newspaper and police reports as my story did. Uncanny!

🌞

Well done partner! I was reading faster and faster, and I knew something bad was going to happen to Brendan but I didn't think he would die. The worst part was how the media portrayed the reason for his death, a complete lie. You did it again...you made me feel like this was a true story. That is a compliment by the way.

Thanks partner. Glad you liked it. It was a fun exercise though frustrating at times.

I would need to have a lot of free time to attempt this one.

Well, since "as one done unto him" can also translate to getting a savage beating from thugs... No? Alright :D As always, enjoyed the story. Very bitter, but exactly what I was looking for.

D'ya know what Hon, you're very sharp. That didn't occur to me at all and I actually worked on this story. Normally I just write in one sitting, look over the grammar and then post. With this one, the restricted sentence length meant I was so busy examining each tree I could no longer see the woods.

Ha, sometimes it takes an objective eye to see these things :D I love the tree/woods analogy and it came it out really well :)

Hi @deirdyweirdy

Excellent story, I congratulate you.
I hope the dog doesn't get hurt eating that work. LOL

Yours-.
@Lanzjoseg

Sadly I must report that the dog is dead!
Thanks for the visit.

Dear @deirdyweirdy

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Perhaps I could ask you to spare few minutes and check it out and share your feedback with me.

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Link: https://steemit.com/hive-175254/@project.hope/3-ways-of-joining-our-efforts-project-hope-economy-explained

ps.2.
HAPPY NEW YEAR :) Hopefully 2020 won't be as scary as many expert are predicting.

Cheers,
@crypto.piotr

Hi Piotr, I read and voted the post yesterday after receiving your wallet memo. It sounds like a fine idea and I wish you all the best with it.

Thank you for your encouraging words @deirdyweirdy

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I checked your blog every hour for two weeks until the deadline(s) and finally gave up.
Now I read this phenomenal story. He died a villain. I am bereft. How many good guys die as villains? Many I think.
Freaking great story, and I know your "excuse" was much better than that. Thank you for publishing. I am so thankful I found this, and that long ago I found you. Or you found me. No matter. Fabulous story.

Ha,ha,ha, yer gas! I think I found you one fateful day hanging around in the freewrite house. It's where all the best people go, don't ya know.

Lol..those dang dogs. Excellent writing deirdyweirdy! For a second I thought it was going to be very depressing but the last sentence saved the day!

Depressing? Moi? I assure you m'dear that my cheerfulness and good spirits are exceeded only by my artistic talents:)

lol! You're right, that's true. My mistake. I misspoke!

I was goofing around in steemworld and found this post. You can still post it in the contest feed you were late for - that damn dog who always eats the homework!

I'll be reading this shortly. I hope you had a good time with this exercise.

I did enjoy doing it but I'm not sure the result is very inspiring. I plan to have a stab at this weeks. Perhaps I will improve with practice. Thanks for hosting it.

I think you did an excellent job.

Holly cow, man. The kid took one for the good side. That is honorable. I'm sad to see he didn't do it safely. Maybe in the next life.

I read in the comments that you actually had to think this out instead of writing , fixing a few errors, and moving on quickly. Makes me smile.

Ah, thanks for that. It was a bit humbling alright, but fun.

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