Baby baby.

in #31sentencecontest11 months ago


baby.png

"But you'll feel differently when it's born" she wailed, filling the void left by his inability to articulate a single word in response to the news of her pregnancy. But his face said what his lips did not, sending her running from the room, her sobbing raising his hackles when once it would have melted his heart. Jim thought of going after her but instead retreated to his study, hoping their mother's crying wouldn't wake the kids as he poured himself a whiskey.

Of course, he loved his daughters dearly, but they were almost fully grown now, the youngest of them already fifteen. Once he'd longed for a son, now he had no desire to return to shit, puke and sleepless nights. The truth was he’d grown tired of Trina and tired of their marriage and another child, be it son or not, wouldn’t do anything to change that.

She wasn’t the woman he'd married; he thought, feeling ever so slightly disloyal as the word frump popped into his head. She used to be such a doll and he the envy of his friends. He pictured her now, a chubby figure slobbing around in tracksuit bottoms day and night and wondered when she'd stopped caring for her appearance. Perhaps every woman eventually turned into their damn mother.

Her mother, a woman he thoroughly despised. Her mother, a woman who’d given their marriage six months before, she said, her daughter would see sense. Sometimes he thought he stayed in the marriage just to spite his mother-in-law and that her recent death had released him from some sort of crazy covenant with himself. Now this baby thing was bringing matters to a head.
Trina was his past, Jan was his future; there could be no baby.

Ah, Jan.
He'd been seeing her over six months, and though it was still a casual thing, she'd jump at the chance to have him move in with her, he was sure. Certain. Distinguished she called him; suave, debonair, dashing, older but not old. He'd miss his daughters of course, but they were mummy's girls and besides, they could Skype and stay over at weekends and holidays.

He pondered how uncomplicated his life could be, close to the office and no commute. Alimony would cost him and child support as well, that was true, but Jan was well fixed financially and was never stingy. It all seemed crystal clear to him now what he must do. He was going to tell Trina that he was leaving and wanted no part of any baby.

His phone rang. It was Jan, but why when he'd expressly told her never to disturb him at home? He had better take it. He answered curtly but not overly so, becoming irritated only when she insisted he come over to hear something she couldn't impart on the telephone.
"Just spit it out, woman," he told her.
"Ok then, I'm pregnant," she said.
He dropped the phone.

Posted in response to @tristancarax's 31sentence contest
The image is, of course, my own and is dedicated to @janton as he's the only one who knows what to do with it.

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Oh my goodness, nothing like a double trap. Oh, the irony of greener grass. Well written!

Thank you kindly.

You're welcome.

Haha!!! what a tale. That would be like the worst nightmare ever, looking at it from his perspective. There is no way I'd want to juggle that mess.

He'll likely just leg it!
Thanks for the win and your generosity.

He'll likely just leg
It! Thanks for the win and your
Generosity.

                 - deirdyweirdy


I'm a bot. I detect haiku.

I just love it when the endings are not what you expect and this one was fantastic! I wouldn't want to be him!

Ah, thanks very much partner. I'm so glad you liked it.

Hi sweetie, I'm tops today or I can do them all as there's so few. Happy New Year to you and now we get to do it all over again!

Happy New Decade to you Hun! What a nice way to begin, with you in Freewrite Land. Hugs! Bottoms up for me!

You should write more often. It's a good story.

When I read a story I don't read it for a surprise. There was no surprise. It was kind of obvious that the man's going to get it.

Rather I read it for how it makes me feel overall. Some story ends in such a way that they grab you by the throat. This story wasn't like that. But it gives you the feeling of "I told you so." And something else.. What? I am trying to pulpate. it

It gives you a feeling of futility and inevitability of death. Approaching death. Of its inescapability and destruction that it leads with it. A realization that youth is given to us only once and it is s mechanism of pumping babies. And once that task is done, people have wasted vessels. )))

Oh dear, kind of obvious? Really? No surprise? Not even a tiny one? You cut me to the quick!
As to writing, I do. It's the posting I have a problem with.

I hope this isn't a disappointment as this is the principle of a novella - unexpected and yet justified end. So it all was done well - within the genre where if you think about it you as a writer don't have that much of a freedom. The story begs a boolean outcome: a man either going to be praised for his ill-doing or punished. Any other resolution will be anticlimactic. For example, if he'd be hit by a car. This could have happened in real life, but in a story, this makes no sense.

So again as a writer you are down to two possibilities. Which one to pick? A broad audience reader is already sedated enough to expect that the male character will succeed. So it's the time to strike a blow - the option #2!

The rick is to make it in the way that it is justified. The reader should say "How could I not see such an obvious thing" rather than
That couldn't have happened." You've done it well. So be proud! )

My reply was an attempt at humour. Your original comment made me laugh and I was trying, unsuccessfully, to answer in kind. Thanks as always for the stimulating conversation. You're a mine of information.

hahaha... I don't want to take this kind of risk. I'd rather become an object of a smirk than ... well you know what I mean.

Here's one of my novellas

https://steemit.com/fiction/@mgaft1/gentle-look-an-original-short-story

Oh... and have a very happy New Year!

Very good and I didn't see the ending coming at all.

Thank you! That makes me proud )

Hi @deirdyweirdy

When one as a man does not expect news like that, it is definitely reasonable to drop the phone and anything.

Now a child is the reason of a father.
It is the continuity of life.

Yours
@lanzjoseg

Thanks very much for reading.

I literally passed this to my husband and said — read this, it’s a fantastic short story. Really brilliant, truly a work of art.

Wow, what an endorsement! I'm blushing.

Looool... Now that's what I call karma

It's a bitch alright!
Thanks for the visit empress.

Absolutely beautiful :) Brilliant ending ! ! !

Ah, thanks very much. I'm delighted to provide even a small piece of entertainment in return for the fun diversion your blog provides daily.

YOU DID IT AGAIN! omg this is fantastic just like the last one. That fucker, that bitch.
Freaking excellent story.

Hahaha, Men! ....... Women! I'm so glad you liked it. And thanks ever so much for all the support. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

His mother-in-law was right about him, after all - his wife, however, stuck with him. The loser.
Great job of getting us into the POV of this jerk - I feel for his wife and daughters, but not for him.
And what she said: Freaking excellent story!!! .... wait, no curie on this? No?? How do we get curators to notice good content like this...? Too late with this one... does it have to be in the first 24 hours, @curie?

Ok, I see #ocdb but not the usual curie logo, and your $42+ upvote, so your post did get attention. Blushing to confess I still don't know how Steemit works....

Yes, I'm delighted. Totally unexpected. I've never earned anything like that before. Not that I care about earnings but it brought my rep to 60 AT LAST after almost 3 years here. I looked like such a newbie with a 59 rep!

Congratulations! Your post has been selected as a daily Steemit truffle! It is listed on rank 5 of all contributions awarded today. You can find the TOP DAILY TRUFFLE PICKS HERE.

I upvoted your contribution because to my mind your post is at least 2 SBD worth and should receive 156 votes. It's now up to the lovely Steemit community to make this come true.

I am TrufflePig, an Artificial Intelligence Bot that helps minnows and content curators using Machine Learning. If you are curious how I select content, you can find an explanation here!

Have a nice day and sincerely yours,
trufflepig
TrufflePig

You have garnered support from the @bananafish community. We appreciate you're fine work and hope that you will continue to produce awesome content for us to feast our minds on.

Congratulations @deirdyweirdy! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

You made more than 5500 comments. Your next target is to reach 6000 comments.

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To support your work, I also upvoted your post!

Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!

So her mother had been right, but it was 6 months after her death that he took off.
I see you have a thing for perfect grammar, which makes this task much harder. I hear your taste for the macabre and ironic in this, but the sentences are much longer.
How did you like doing this? You did it two weeks in a row, so something must have clicked with you. I'm so glad it did.

I'm so glad you encouraged me to do it. I love it. And you're correct, I do have a bit of a grammar fetish. I'm tempted to start an account here to go 'round correcting people's mistakes:) I used to love the little grammar bot we had here.......I can't recall his name.

Fixing my grammar is one of the reasons I started this. When I write sentences, I have a better idea of how to write some of the ones that I've been having trouble with. I've enjoyed learning from this experience.

I'm so glad this contest clicked with you.

Ahhh..that guy's is in a world of heart-ache now! Couldn't happen to a nicer fella. What an idiot. Great writing again deirdyweirdy and so real.

And the artwork! Oh my gosh, I'm blushing with unworthiness at the honor of having a priceless, one of a kind, original, deirdyweirdy drawing dedicated to me! I sure do know what to do with it. It will be part of an invaluable collection! lol.

Hi Hun! Hope all is well. I am tops today and will catch ya somehwere in Freewrite Land. : )

All good this end babe. I'll meet you in the middle.

What goes around, comes around. 😅

Do you really think so? I've been waiting many years now for some of those who have transgressed against me to get their comeuppance. Perhaps I just have to wait a little longer:)

 11 months ago Reveal Comment